Poems about our capital
John Osborne is the author of two books, Radio Head and The Newsagent's Window, both published by Simon&Schuster. He has had poetry published in the Guardian, The Spectator and the Big Issue and has performed at festivals including Glastonbury, Latitude and the Edinburgh Fringe. His first pamphlet, What if men burst in wearing balaclavas?, was published earlier this year by Nasty Little Press. His show, John Peel's Shed, is on at the Rosemary Branch Theatre tomorrow.
This poem was published in Popshot Issue 4 - The Modern Living Issue. Popshot is a poetry and illustration magazine that showcases the poetry of today and tomorrow with the moral support of illustration wrapped tightly around it. Selected poems are collated and individually sent out to illustrators who then illustrate the poems according to their interpretation of the piece. These illustrations are then bound together with the poems into a small portal of literary and illustrative goodness.
You're not cool enough to be in my band
Illustration by Tom Hovey
told me to leave the Soho boutique
and never come back.
fashion magazines fling off the shelves
so they don't have to be touched by me.
The landlord of our local spread his arms out wide
and said "sorry, you have to be 'this cool'
to drink in here."
So I'm going to bomb a gram of drum and bass
buy some good shoes
and stop texting people on their birthdays.
This poem was written after a night out in Shoreditch and, to the poet, was a brutal realisation of how uncool he was. Popshot Issue 4 - The Modern Living Issue is available to buy for £5.50 + p&p.