And as the legend has it, a time will come when all will put down the cell-phones which burden them and the weapons that burden others, and pick up their Air Guitars together as one, and a new civilisation will be formed...
We arrived just as the judges of the Official Air Guitar Championships UK were telling it straight to kilt-clad comedian Holly Walsh that her airy efforts were more akin to cleaning a toilet than of any fretboard action they had seen. In just 60 seconds to show his worth, stag night contestant, Megan's Bitch, up next, fared much better by gaining points for his gold lame jacket, leopard print keks and impressive crowd surfing but losing some for 'playing' the same chord all the way though. Others lost points for: being Welsh (High Master Dawgg), having nipples too close together - a 'borderline freak' (Boney-Crisp), being half Barbie, half Zebra (Capt hair Metal) and doing what was tantamount to 'guitar themed pole dancing' (Lulu II).
Showing Zen-like mastery of the air guitar craft for us were the cloaked Midnight Moses who, in an inspiring move, chose to noodle away on the air sitar - this earned him a runners-up place, Bad Air Day, a female contestant in 6 inch heels, plucked from the audience, who definitely has a future in air guitar with her 'do it like no-one's watching' style. White Lightening, another audience member, rose to the challenge to the track 'Poison' with his impressive head-banging but lost points for too much 'air-singing'. Air guitar regular, A boy named Sue, was, in our eyes, the rightful winner (she came runner-up) with her upsetting and arousing style, raunchy guitar stances and technical nouse.
Additional reporting - Rauni Higson