Ice Cream Van Ban? No Thank You, Ma'am

Ice cream vendors already have 99 problems, now a pitch is one: Hillingdon council have guaranteed a borough-wide bevy of disgruntled schoolchildren by deciding to restrict how long ice cream vans can park up near schools. Vans will be limited to a 15-minute stop within 65 metres of any school or nursery, and will be banned outright from shopping centres in the borough; repeat offenders will be slapped with a £100 fine and could face having their Cornetto stash impounded. A council spokesman argued that the ban is to restrict noise pollution and encourage healthy eating habits, but a delegate from the Ice Cream Alliance defended the humble cone-balanced confection, lauding it as a "source of vital vitamins and minerals with modest calorie levels".