Nude Nutter Does Runner From Plinth

By Hazel Last edited 115 months ago
Nude Nutter Does Runner From Plinth

Plinth.jpg Two pigeons in Trafalgar Square watch the antics of a One And Other participant.

Bill: He’s got a tent.

Ben: What the hell is that?

Bill: [Bobbing up and down with excitement] It’s a blow-up doll! It is! It is a blow-up doll! Christ almighty, what is he playing at?

Ben: [Pause. More activity on the plinth] Dinosaur.

Bill: It’s not a dinosaur, it’s a blimmin’ crocodile.

Ben: He is flinging an inflatable dinosaur off the plinth. That is not a crocodile.

Bill: Chicken looks scared.

Ben: Chicken looks scared because it's up on that plinth with a mad man who is chucking inflatable sex dolls and crocodiles into Trafalgar Square.

Bill: [Pause. Some activity on the plinth] Oh. My. God. He is, isn’t he. Isn’t he? Completely. Completely naked. Blimey…

Ben: [Shouting] And he’s left her! There he goes! What a bastard! He’s left her! He’s climbed down and run off in the nip!

[In the distance, from the chicken] Noooooo! Come back! Don’t leave me! Oh, god! Why do they always leave me? Why? Oh, god, why?

Bill: [Muttering] Hen-pecked, that’s why.

Ben: Glenda says she’s seen more nudes out here since the plinth project started than she did that time she flew into the National Gallery.

Bill: I’ve seen more art out here than in that gallery.

Ben: But is it art?

Bill: Michael still has £50.00 going on a bet that he can crap on one of them. He doesn’t think it’s art.

Ben: Not sure about that, Michael crapped on every Antony Gormley statue around the Hayward Gallery and those were ‘art.’

Bill: They’ve got her down. Look at those feathers… beautiful.

Ben: But she’s no good for anyone now. Ruined. Crying really toughens the meat.

[In the distance, from the chicken receding into the distance on the JCB] He said he’d make me famous… he said I would be on TV… he said he loved me…

Bill: That callous, naked bastard.

Image of netting around the plinth by author.

Last Updated 04 September 2009