Denise Van Outen: The New Face Of Wood Green

Sporting a kerrazy grin and a surgically enlarged right hand, the original ladette has beaten countless other celebrities to the publicity deal of the century: she has become the face of The Mall in Wood Green. The high street eyesore, formerly known as Shopping City, is to benefit from van Outen's many attributes: her "accessible personality, natural talent and beauty, and unique fashion sense" apparently make her the perfect fit for Haringey's largest shopping centre, where her beaming visage will greet bargain-hunters as they converge on Primark and TK Maxx. Rumours that Westfield has signed up Linda Lusardi in response are sadly unfounded. (Image / willismonroe)