Dog Toilet Deters Tesco

By Hazel Last edited 118 months ago
Dog Toilet Deters Tesco

Image by Chutney Bannister, from the Londonist Flickr group
Four dogs huddle together on a small, windblown patch of grass in front of a row of scruffy shops.

Mitzi: Christ Almighty, that's quite an egg you laid there Christabellatina. How does a chihuahua like you make such big droppings? Lucky we've got this bit of grass for our canine toilet.

Christabellatina: Did you hear they were going to build a Tesco here? Plans got blocked by a local who looked up an old law, declaring our bit of lawn was actually a village green and can't be built on.

Skipper: Triumph of the common man. The little guy wins against the big corporations and shows them. He'll show them all!

Benjy: But most people in New Addington, Croydon, want a Tesco, they want the new jobs, 250 new homes, swimming pool, police base and medical centre this development would have brought. His kind are just trying to stop progress for the sake of making a noise. Bloody Luddites.

A stick flies over head

Mitzi: Maybe he's hoping for a more interesting form of regeneration than just a huge supermarket. Maybe that's why he was digging into local history.

Benjy: Then again, the new development is hardly illegal or as hotly contested as that new bit of Heathrow.

Christabellatina: They had picnics at the airport to protest the new runway. Do you think they'd have picnics here to protest Tesco?

Skipper: I'll be right back. [He bounds away after the stick]

Benjy: Picnics? On this bit of grass that's mainly used for our toilet needs? I don't think so. It's a bit run down here, regeneration and redevelopment could be really good. As long as Tesco stay interested while the council hold public meetings about this block on the current plans, there's a hope. We'll lose our toilet though.

Skipper: [comes running back with the stick, looking really pleased with himself] Idiots, all of them. Who would throw away such a great stick? I'll bet that man will be really happy to get it back.

Christabellatina: [Tutting] Humans. They don't know what they want.

Last Updated 28 January 2009