Image author's own
Malcolm: Alright Nigel? Heard about the latest attack here on our pond in Battersea Park? Dog got a swan, I heard it broke its leg. Savage, really savage.
Nigel: I heard, Malcolm, I heard. That charity London Wildcare Trust had to come and get him, they're doing about 12 a month.
Malcolm: Lots of it about, Nigel; we've got to watch ourselves. More and more dog attacks are happening on pond life, especially us feathered types. And not all of them get picked up like that cygnet; there might be more going unreported.
Nigel: Funny though.
Nigel: Yeah. Swans can break a man's arm. Turns out a dog can break a swan's leg. Circle of life innit?
Malcolm: Yeah but dogs don't know what they're doing, they just think they're playing, don't know their own strength, don't know the sharpness of their own teeth. If they're let off their leashes, they just go mad. Bite the bollards off a speedbump if they thought it was a game. 'S up to the owners to obey the signs: keep 'em on leashes.
Nigel: Keep 'em on leashes around ponds, that's right.
Malcolm: Could you break a man's arm, Nigel?
Nigel: Never tried it, Malcolm. But if I get another bit of mouldy malted granary loaf, I might have to try it. It's like choking down a bit of pebbledash.
Nigel and Malcolm ruffle their feathers
Malcolm: I hope that cygnet's getting plenty of nice sliced wholemeal in the hospital.
They drift away