Hooker Hotline

Dean Nicholas
By Dean Nicholas Last edited 167 months ago
Hooker Hotline

Bored and lonely gentlemen, put your phones down - it ain't what you think. Quite the opposite, actually.

Mark Clarke of Bedford Hill, a Tory parliamentary candidate, is waging what he describes as a one-man war against vice in his neighbourhood. Fed up with ladies of the night proffering their business round his 'ends, the 31-year old has vowed to disrupt their work so they can't practice the world's oldest profession. Taking email tips from the public, Mr. Clarke spends his evening chasing after prostitutes in his car and, (perhaps) shrieking "this town ain't big enough for the both of us!", running the pesky varmints outta the place.

A brave act, certainly - Mr. Clarke and his wife, the family member usually found alongside him, have been threatened by the prostitutes for their vigilantism - and just the kind of gung-ho crimebusting that the red-tops love. Give this man a medal! He'll mop up the mess that the Met can't, or won't, touch.

Sadly, the salacious gossip among us (you know who you are) reckons that this would be a perfect excuse to hide ones fondness for a certain sexual peccadillo. After all, it's become more mainstream over the years, in particular due to a certain footballer's proclivities. Not to suggest that the do-gooding Clarkes are up to this at all, but running up on copulating couples in the night with your high beams and proclaiming yourself a vice-buster might just about stand up in court.

Photo from beatdrifter's Flickrstream via the Londonist pool

Last Updated 08 September 2008