Aware as ever of the world's trouble spots, Madonna recently showed solidarity with the blighted residents of Georgia by describing herself as "living in a siege situation". Is her home being bombarded with military ordnance as the Russian army advances? No, things are much worse.
The fifty-year old singer has been forced to abandon her gym due to the ruckus brought by nearby workmen. The former Georgian house in Mayfair, which Madge converted into a personal gymnasium at a cost of £12m, is on a road where a number of construction projects are underway, and the bawdy banter bowled at the singer by the builders, combined with the constant drilling, have made it impossible for Madonna to get into the groove.
Horror of horrors, the multi-platinum artist was forced to pound the treadmill while listening to her iPod with the volume turned all the way up, "potentially damaging her ears" according to that ever-trusty 'close pal'. Though anybody who's endured the singer's last few albums might have already concluded that her hearing was long gone.
Fans of Madonna's mildly terrifying physique, fear not - she's now pumping iron at her personal trainer's pad.