Becks In The Bird's Nest

By chloeg Last edited 116 months ago
Becks In The Bird's Nest

Must Britain take any more? We are so unfamiliar with the feeling of national sporting success that the past surprising fortnight has tested the nation's cardiac capacity beyond reasonable limits.

Now, we have more excitement in store on Sunday, at the handover ceremony in Beijing. Not only will Leona Lewis and Jimmy Page perform a duet, but David Beckham will enter the stadium on a London bus, before staging a kickaround with children representing the 205 Olympic nations. The ceremony will also feature ballet performers from the Royal Opera House, street dancers and a routine from a disabled dance collective. Finally, Boris Johnson will receive the Olympic flag from Beijing, signalling the handover of the games and a cementing of the communal sigh of terror from our Olympics committee.

Unfortunately, China has promised another glittering display of splendour for its grand finale, disappointing London's 2012 organising committee who were hoping for a couple of party poppers and a game of musical statues.

The spanking locally-sourced cherries on the ceremony's cake must be the regional choirs around Britain, who will perform appropriately-themed songs while the handover ceremony is broadcast on thirty giant screens. Gold medal goes to lucky Derby, who get to perform a song about its fat local ram and the unfortunate cattle's subsequent slaughter. Obvious choices for our fair city might be the Kinks' 'Waterloo Sunset' or the Clash's 'London Calling', but perhaps we might need to look to our neighbours across the pond and borrow Roy Orbison's 'Running Scared'. No pressure, Ms Jowell.

Images from hkgspotter1's photostream from the Londonist stock pool

Last Updated 19 August 2008


Still can't fathom why David Beckham - who won precisely nothing for his country - is involved as the marquee attraction and not, say, Kelly Holmes, who actually competed in and excelled at an Olympic games. Oh yes, that's right, 'cause his miserly swingeing little face is globally famous. Forgot about that.

Meanwhile in Beijing, Adlington, Hoy, Wiggins, Ohuruogu et al have proved themselves and exposed the hollow shell of our supposed football "heroes". Fuck the beautiful game, let's focus on our real sporting greats.


Maybe he can show us his tattoos. Posh could do a dance routine. Their achievements are endless.


Apparently they're also now putting their brood of brats to work, getting them to headspin and breakdance and so forth for the delight of their elders. It's worse than Victorian child enslavement, honestly.


oh lord. it's like the Vonn Trapp family. Without the clothes made out of curtains. And the talent. Plus Vix is no Fraulein Maria.


Jimmy Page? If Leona Lewis is the spirit of young aspirational Hackney what does that make hoary old, former drug user and Hounslow rocker, Page?


Truly underwhelming. But let's cheer up. Do you remember the last Olympic handover ceremony? Nobody does. London's got four years until the real deal.
And lest we cave in to pessimism and doubts about this city can match Beijing, remember that in terms of cultural production, London punches well above its weight. Remember that's what the Olympic ceremonies are about, culture - art and music and dancing and etc. Surely we have a surplus of that in this city, even if we don't have a few odd million in spare change to spend on fireworks.
Beijing may had heat and light and large marching armies, but other bits of the opening were sub-par - check out their lame national pop stars and the fake girl singer. You wouldn't pay a fiver to see that gig here.