Despite evidence to the contrary from Dr Who, alien visits to the UK appear to be on the wane.
In 1995 128 strange events in the skies over the UK were reported by the public, but by 2006 that figure had dropped to 97. As a comparison, in the same period, human tourism to Britain increased by close to 10 per cent.
So what’s scaring them away? Is a real-life Torchwood protecting the country from alien infiltration? Has the planet just got too damn scary? Could it be the congestion charge?
We’re noticing a correlation with the rise of foot and mouth disease in UK livestock. Could our off-world visitors be of cloven hoof? This would also explain the reduction in sightings of the Devil, as well as a diminution in minotaur and satyr visitations since ancient times. It all fits together. Scientific fact – or as near as damn it.
Londonist calls on the Government to increase funding for foot and mouth research, before our supernatural fauna are eradicated for ever.