Horny In A Half Shell

By londonist_mark Last edited 142 months ago
Horny In A Half Shell

The birthplace of Keira Knightly, Noel Coward and Julian Clary and the deathplace of Benny Hill, we don't necessarily think of the tranquil leafy suburban environs of Teddington as a hotbed of amorous amphibians. But for Baby, a dinner plate sized Herman's Tortoise resident in these parts, the Spring sunshine seems to have brought out the animal in her and she headed off in search of a good slow shag. Or so we're told. To be honest, we have no idea how you tell whether a tortoise is randy or not. Baby's disappearance had sparked a kidnap fear and various authorities may or may not have been involved in the hunt for the hump happy herbivore.

It all ended well, with Baby returned to her owner after a week of wandering; having been found walking around at the end of (his) road - quite a long way away. Now that's one determined young lady because a quick trip to Wikipedia reveals wandering Hermans' have a good sense of direction to enable them to return. Baby's escape routes have now been sealed and we'd think for her own protection, check this from the wonderful tortoise.org:

Courtship consists of elaborate chasing, ramming and biting behaviors that may last for several hours. Males can be both incessantly persistent and aggressive to the point of injuring the females. As soon as the male mounts the female he becomes very vocal, and utters a distinctive squeal that sounds like an old squeaky toy. Accordingly, keepers must be prepared to separate the sexes when necessary.

Sounds like a night out in neighbouring Kingston, perhaps that's where she was heading.. As yet reports that Baby has started hitting on the postman remain unfounded.

Work unsafe image taken from belgianchocolate's flickr photostream

Last Updated 23 May 2007