Tories Campaign For Rough Justice

By Big_Tone Last edited 143 months ago
Tories Campaign For Rough Justice

Conservatives are campaigning for more rights to deal with unruly teens in a physical manner, without fear of prosecution. Dominic Grieve, the shadow Attorney General, blames the rise of youth crime on the breakdown of the family unit and a lack of public confidence in getting support from the police or fellow members of the public:

'They take the view that if the matter gets out of control, there's a danger that if they lay hands on the young person they might be liable to prosecution for assault, even if their response is proportionate.’

If the party hold this stance then picturing life under a future Tory regime does not leave a warm and fuzzy feeling in the gut. Guy Ritchie’s ‘Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Ballots’ is a box office hit. Spandex sales reach record highs as a new wave of flamboyant street crusaders dispatch criminals to the local nick. One fine example being the fearless Night Owl, who swoops down on his unsuspecting prey and carries them off to prison in the grip of his two mighty mechanical talons. The new home secretary Chuck Norris calls for more ‘roundhouse justice’, while Steven Segal tours the UK with a workshop designed to show pensioners how to fell an attacker with a squint and whisper.

Of course, this is all speculation. But could it really just be pure fiction? Perhaps. However, if you recall the mid-nineties classic ‘Demolition Man’, Sly Stallone’s maverick cop baulked at the idea of Schwarzenegger as president.

Now look at him.

Image taken from Ben Northern’s Flickr photostream

Last Updated 11 December 2006