Greedy Dead Bastards

By sizemore Last edited 154 months ago
Greedy Dead Bastards

This bit of Health & Safety news already made the Extra Extra, but after mulling it over for a while we wanted to give it a little more space...

Not that the dead need any more. They're everywhere! And worse than that they still refuse to get up and make us the George Romero Centre of Excellence that we could so easily be if they weren't so goddamn lazy. So we'd like to suggest a relocation of all London graveyards into one handy virtual website. Hell, chuck us a few quid and we'll launch Deadist for you.

You have to admit that it's a brilliant idea. No more dragging your heels to the cemetery every blue moon, no more expense on flowers that rot quicker than your loved ones and most importantly you free up a LOT of dead space in a city that needs as much as it can get.

Now before you say we're being insensitive to the dearly departed just think of all the benefits of a graveyard that you can access from the comfort of your own home. You can visit whenever you like, change the font on the gravestone when it gets dull or even add an animated gif or two. Hell, if you combine it with your Flickr account you can see the dead as they should be remembered and not simply as some dates on a birdshit covered piece of marble. MyDeathSpace is already running something that could easily be expanded on in a way that would have the housing developers drooling more than necrophiliacs.

Homes built on graveyards would have historical significance, great soil in the communal gardens and the old tombstones would make an interesting talking point for any modern kitchen floor. Save a fortune, make a fortune and help solve the housing crisis overnight.

Who could object to that? We'll drop Ken a business plan the minute he gets back from China.

Last Updated 11 April 2006