The Yellow Stripes

By londonist_mark Last edited 152 months ago
The Yellow Stripes

Rock stars eh! Travel the world, shagging supermodels and Hollywood actresses, dressing up, going to interesting places, holding down the ultimate dream job AND getting paid for it. Life must be really tough. No worrying about Council Tax rises for you lot, you just stick another single out (although don't get your family to buy all the copies, that would be silly) or do another commerical. Life's grand if you're a rock star. But can they take a joke? Can they bollocks.

Latest to this long list of over fed, over paid, mewling pussies is Jack White, and shame on you sir for being such a dick. Oh and by the way Jack, we're not going to say ANYTHING nice about you in this post, so bring it on. Sue us; sue our families and our pets. Sue the people who read this site. Sue their pets. Sue anyone who's never bought a White Stripes album and sue all the folk who have, they're the ones who really can't take a joke. And sue their pets too.

Erm, anyway. The reason for Jack's little outburst was revealed in the Independent's Pandora column this morning. Looks like Great British eccentric institution Billy Childish said a few things about not liking Jack's music in a recent GQ interview. Jumping Juggernaut Jack, reeling from the blow (they were once friends apparently), retaliated with a quick uppercut to the soul and accused Childish of garage rock bitterness. It would have been so much funnier if he'd accused him of being childish instead.

So then Aquarium gallery owner Steve Lowe (who curates much of Childish's artwork) creates a mock boxing match poster detailing the face off between bitter Billy Childish and Jack whingy White. Of course, in no way is Jack a whinger, just as well he isn't ginger, and he called in the lawyers to sue Lowe's arse so far into the ground they'll use him for the foundations of a highrise. Actually we made that last bit up, we just like to think that's how these rock star types talk to their lawyers.

The lawyers' argument is that the poster contravenes intellectual property rights, there's a tautology right there, and copies of the poster have now been taken off eBay. But you can see the whole thing, unlike our lawyer friendly version above, here, along with Billy's response to the incident which is so funny, we've copied some of it for you below:

It all smacks of jealousy to me. I have a bigger

collection of hats, a better moustache, a more blistering guitar sound and a fully developed sense of humour. The only thing I can’t understand is why I’m not rich.

Yours sincerely,

Billy Childish

P.S. I always stay well within the music industries

recommended guidelines of never plagiarising more than 50% of my material. But no matter who my influences may be, I would never stoop so low as to ripping off Led Zeppelin.

P.P.S I hope I have not gone and offended Led Zeppelin now.To be honest we think the entire deal would have been much better resolved if Jack had practised his pugilistic skills once again and pummelled Childish into a bloodied pulp in a place of public execution. Alas we are to be let down by the fickle fronds of mediocrity or something like that. So we're organising a campaign to get 500 people in Billy Childish T-Shirts down the front of the next White Stripes UK gig instead. For a laugh. Anyone up for it?

Last Updated 14 March 2006