MI5 To Interview Reina

By londonist_alex2 Last edited 156 months ago
MI5 To Interview Reina
Reina ready to pounce.jpg

According to our contact at Westminster, the Liverpool FC goalkeeper, José Manuel Reina, is to be interviewed today by agents of MI5, who are keen to find out more about the revolutionary 'mind-pinch' technique the Spaniard used to disable Arjen Robben at Stamford Bridge yesterday.

In the ongoing war against terror, it is increasingly clear that if our security services are going to stay one step ahead of the hate-mongers, then they must continue to develop cutting-edge technology and techniques. The idea that a form of attack that was once thought as being the stuff of fiction (think Spock and his 'nerve-pinch' technique) has now become reality, is exciting, intoxicating and yes, we have to admit, perhaps a little frightening.

Confusion still surrounds excatly how the technique that Reina used works, with a debate currently raging across the internet as to whether the process was less to do with pressure points and more down to the goalie covering his gloves with marmite (Robben is known to detest the yeast extract). What is clear is the effect the attack had on the Dutch winger, with only an absolute minimum amount of force needed from Reina to completely disable him and send him crashing to the floor, disorientated and upset.

MI5 are not the only ones taking a close interest in this new technique, with José Mourinho said to be furious at the idea of Rafael Benitez stealing a march on him in terms of personal attack techniques. Apparently the Chelsea boss is now demanding that his coaching staff speed up the work on inserting a steel plate into John Terry's head and he is also investigating the possibilty of hiding tiny daggers in Joe Cole's bouffant hairstyle.

Last Updated 06 February 2006