Where to Hang the Queen?

By sizemore Last edited 157 months ago
Where to Hang the Queen?

That's the question on the lips of all Royal watchers today as Rolf Harris unveiled his latest work of art - an "impressionistic" representation of an eighty year old woman* with illusions of grandeur. The good old Queen herself.

And he's rather proud of it too:

"I really like the way you get the blueness of the veins coming through the skin."

Like a nice ripe cheese then. And the old bird herself seems to have enjoyed the experience:

"I'm only too happy to be sitting absolutely motionless, doing nothing,"

That must have been quite a change for her. How did the country cope?

We feel that the critics have been a tad harsh on poor old Rolf who after all has years of Cartoon Time under his belt which makes him uniquely qualified to make the inhuman human and well able to add a lick of life to the two dimensional.

Of course Rolf was always a pushover for things that were on their way to a better place as seen in Animal Hospital. Pity there wasn't a caring vet on hand to administer a little prick (no not you Andrew) this time round. It's also not the first time he's helped breathe new life into something that we'd rather all have forgotten about - 'Stairway to Heaven' anyone?

The BBC put the portrait up in a nice golden frame which we have it on good authority is a tad old fashioned for Liz who spends a large portion of her days on Flickr putting in searches for photos with tags such as 'tight speedos' to while away the hours in that big old draughty palace while the servants see to her damp drapes.

It's just a shame that no one thought to ask David Icke to have a go - we'd have liked to have seen a more modern rendition of the Queen - maybe in her true reptilian form and eating regurgitated offspring.

* Royals of course don't age like the rest of us - it's a little like dog years. Her Majesty is actually 163 (the number of Queen albums multiplied by seasons of The Royle Family + 100) making her only half the age of Camilla aka The Princess of Kidneys.

Last Updated 19 December 2005