"A pregnant teenager was hurt when an axe fight broke out on a rush hour Tube train..."
That almost made us spill our coffee too.
Apparently the train wasn't moving at the time when a fight spilled over from the platform at Mile End according to The Scotsman. The hurt girl was cut by her boyfriend (accidentally we presume) and is not pressing charges after the kids were arrested on a bus outside.
Not quite The Taking of Pelham 123 then, and the 'axe' in question was only a meat cleaver and not the Jack Nicholson special that we were thinking of but we still expect the Evening Standard to call for a complete ban on axes, pregnant girlfriends, teenagers and tube trains.