Relentless Brentford Rampage Through November’s Londonist Football League

Chris Lockie
By Chris Lockie Last edited 35 months ago
Relentless Brentford Rampage Through November’s Londonist Football League

Image by Gareth Williams via Flickr

This time last month Brentford had 22 points from 15 games. They now have 34 points from 19 games. Astute mathematicians among you will be able to deduce from these figures that the Bees have won all four of their matches in the latest set of games to count towards the Londonist Football League, and find themselves back in second in the table — far more important than Brentford’s highest position in the real-life league for around half a century, they’ll doubtless agree.

Mark Warburton’s clinical charges have been laying waste to the Championship in the last few weeks. Londonist had to check there wasn’t FIFA-style wool-pulling going on and went to Griffin Park on Saturday to see these feats for ourselves. One thorough demolishing of a hapless Wolves side later and we can confirm first hand that Brentford are in the form of their lives.

Not enough to leapfrog Chelsea at the top of the standings, obviously. Oh, Chelsea, we all know your game; we can all see you’re aiming to wreck the memory of the 2003-04 ‘Invincibles’ season by becoming a second and far more bland, hoofing outfit to have achieved an unbeaten season, but we all need that not to happen for the sake of football’s last vestiges of romance. Win the Premier League all you want, even the coveted Londonist Football League title is yours for the asking, but please wake up with the thrupennies one morning and slump to a grim 1-0 at somewhere northern like Wigan or Burnley.

Londonist Football League Table

Team Games played Goal difference Points Points per game
Chelsea 13 19 33 2.54
Brentford 19 6 34 1.79
West Ham 13 5 21 1.62
Arsenal 13 6 20 1.54
Tottenham 13 0 20 1.54
Charlton 19 1 28 1.47
AFC Wimbledon 19 -3 24 1.26
Fulham 19 -4 22 1.16
Dag & Red 19 -5 21 1.11
Millwall 19 -5 20 1.05
Crystal Palace 13 -4 13 1.0
Leyton Orient 19 -5 19 1.0
QPR 13 -11 11 0.85

Though West Ham’s points per game tally has gone down a bit in the last month they retain third place in the LFL by virtue of Arsenal having contrived to discard points in ways that make Tottenham fans chuckle. Indeed, the two north London sides are merely a few goals apart in the table now, with Spurs starting to gel just as Arsene Wenger’s team is, what, solidifying? That doesn’t sound right but it must be near enough the opposite of ‘gel’. How do football journalists write this nonsense?

Both Millwall and Fulham have endured a trying November, at least in part due to Brentford. Each had a win over the Bees in their grasp — the Lions pulling a two-goal deficit back to 2-2 and the Cottagers leading their rivals 1-0 with 10 minutes to go — but in each case Brentford came out on top. At times like those, it really isn’t ‘only a game’.

QPR and Crystal Palace occupy their accustomed positions near the bottom of the table but it’s the sudden slump of Leyton Orient that's most concerning to the neutrals of Londonist. They are a London team all alone in football’s third division — geographically, their nearest team in the same division is Gillingham, nearly 30 miles away — and as the nights draw in and the SAD kicks in they seem to be having a rollercoaster time of things under new manager Mauro Milanese with one win, two defeats, a draw and a dodgy barnet.

And how have Orient’s players reacted to this tumultuous spell at the club? By kicking seven shades of shiitake out of anyone coming within booting distance, that's how.

LFL disciplinary table

Team Yellow cards Yellows per game Red cards Discipline points per game
Leyton Orient 42 2.21 4 5.05
Arsenal 32 2.46 0 4.92
Tottenham 27 2.08 3 4.85
Chelsea 28 2.15 2 4.77
Millwall 40 2.11 2 4.53
Fulham 37 1.95 3 4.37
West Ham 26 2.0 1 4.23
Crystal Palace 20 1.54 3 3.77
Brentford 30 1.58 1 3.32
Dag & Red 27 1.42 2 3.16
AFC Wimbledon 28 1.47 1 3.11
QPR 20 1.54 0 3.08
Charlton 26 1.37 0 2.74

Orient have now taken up top spot in the bad boys’ table by becoming the first team to break the 5-points-per-game barrier in our unique and highly dubious system of two points for a yellow and three points for a red. The Os became the first team to pick up four red cards this season when Chris Dagnall sent a Bradford player flying at the weekend, with the score at 1-1 in a game they then lost 3-1 in the last 15 minutes. Dagnall’s from up north. Conspiracy alert.

Arsenal are still second in the disciplinary table despite having not yet picked up a red card, but even in this Spurs are catching the Gunners as Arsenal fans’ lives flash before their eyes. QPR remain relatively clean despite doubling their yellow card total in just one month, while Charlton look quite saintly with a few more yellows but from a bigger number of games. The Addicks are the only team to have fewer than three of our discipline points per game. Ahhhh, how cute.

It’s about time that someone from either AFC Wimbledon or Dagenham & Redbridge took the season by the scruff of the neck, in our opinion. Both sides remain unwilling to do anything more than hover glumly around mid-table or kick a few but not enough opposition players to make a name for themselves as hard men. The two sides did meet in the league in November though, with the Dons running out 1-0 winners thanks to Barry Fuller’s first goal in eight long years, taking his career tally to three goals in a decade as a professional. In the aftermath both managers accused the opposition attack of being rubbish. A few more Barrys in your teams, that's what you lot need.

Expect it all to change next month as the enormous Christmas and New Year schedule takes its toll on fitness, patience and waistlines, though you'd hope that last one would be more for the spectators.

Last Updated 01 December 2014