11 Ways To Lose A Mayoral Election

Running for mayor is not a job for the shy and retiring. In recent weeks, we’ve had Boris insult cyclists and swear gleefully at a BBC journalist; Ken propose an ongoing campaign to slaughter bankers; and Siobhan do everything but wave her arms in the air, in her efforts to get someone, anyone, to pay her some sort of attention.

What is remarkable, though, is how little impact any of this has had on the polls. There’s a fairly strong case that one leading contender for the job is a preening, prejudiced, self-publicist with a penchant for spending other people’s money and a passionate aversion to the truth. There’s an equally strong case this is true of his rival. Yet nothing either says or does seems to have put a dent in their poll rating.

So — what could a candidate say, do or insult that would be offensive enough to disqualify them from the job? Londonist put its head together.

  • “And so I commend to you, the Victoria line – sponsored by Barclays!”
  • Jenny Jones: “In response to Addison’s Lee’s decision to use bus lanes, I’ll be recommending that cyclists make more use of motorways.”
  • Ken attempts to boost his campaign using a joint press call with Hugo Chavez.
  • “To help with Olympic legacy issues, I will be setting up a new ‘London Mayor’s Fund for After the Olympics’ – or LMFAO, for short”
  • “Actually, I prefer Paris.”
  • Boris attempts to boost his campaign using a joint press call with George Osborne.
  • “It’s just a big sports day, isn’t it?”
  • BNP Candidate Carlos Cortiglia: “Racist or logical? That’s not a question about my policies, it’s just an amusing anagram of my name.”
  • “Most people have a misconception about bankers. They are the lifeblood of our economy. Never has so much been owed by so many to so few,” says Ken.
  • “I think we all know who the Malvinas really belong to.”
  • “Upon my election, we will begin the bidding process for the 2024 Olympics.”

Got your own suggestions for losing an election? Give ‘em up in the comments below.

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  • http://profile.yahoo.com/VK2GU246WWLDEZR2VDTNVT5ANY Daniel

     Unveiling of a Tribute to the Duchess of Cornwall

    • http://twitter.com/jonnelledge Jonn Elledge

      Oh, that’s a good one. “Diana? I always hated that bitch.”