It may not have snowed on Christmas day, but it's becoming increasingly apparent that if you get to shop in stores that don't have proper names, life is a continual sprinkling of soft white powder. Especially if you read the Hindustan Times, who claimed yesterday: London Hit By Cocaine Epidemic. Now that does sound a little more fun than bird flu, but we knew this already. The HT, not known for mincing their words, lead into their story about yet another momentous police sting operation with:
...the heat is on the UK celebs now. All because of supermodel Kate Moss who was stupid enough — or too stoned — to get caught.
Possibly both, since Moss broke the first rule of breaking the rules: DON"T GET CAUGHT.
But it get's worse.
Her pusher was even more stupid. He has been identified apparently. And the police are saying Moss was just one of his many celeb clients. Most of whom are leading stars of television, fashion and music.
We wonder whether Kate Moss's dealer is a fan of The Third Man or those Matt Damon movies. We hope that at least he makes his getaway in a Mini Cooper; doing it proper like, since the parties are going to be a little dull for a while.
It's taken police four months to investigate the identity of the most popular man in Britain, two of which were presumably spent laughing their arses off at the infamous Babyshambles recording tapes. We'd like to think there was also a deep cover investigation, like in Infernal Affairs, with an officer dressed up in a pork pie hat and mumbling inanities at NME writers so that he'll be accepted into the band''s inner circle. We'd also like to think that Disney won't turn Christopher Robin into a girl either but we're running short of miracles these days.
It's all part of another campaign by the Met to have a go at the toffs. A senior Police officer said that some celebrities "have openly admitted to cocaine use and think they are above the law. This is not the case". Well it shouldn't be but they do tend to have very good lawyers. And they've already agreed to let Moss off with a cursory spanking since she only did a couple of lines and never had any on her (so not THAT stupid then).
Still, the story leaves us once again surprised that anyone, especially the Media, remain surprised about the extent of cocaine use these days. Which may go some way to proving that drugs really do make you stupid, although it does give the drinkers a break. But while Blair and co are still figuring out the equation:
drugs=feel good / cheap drugs=more drugs=feel even better, therefore 0 drugs=?
we wouldn't want to take it away from the arresting officer at Heathrow who'll get to tell all his mates: "I banged up Kate Moss!"
