26 May 2017 | 21.8 °C

Stuffed Turkeys Good, Stuffed Trains Bad

By londonist_mark Last edited 138 months ago
Stuffed Turkeys Good, Stuffed Trains Bad
crowded-train.jpg

We really should consider a weekly No Shit Sherlock column which this week would be won by the BBC's story that 79% of Londoners rate overcrowded trains as their biggest commuter gripe. So not the drunk drivers, bad armpit smells or hairy loons pleasuring themselves in public then? Oh well.

We'd love to know how much Hong Kong's MTR Corporation paid YouGov for the information. Surely a couple of quid on a ticket into town would have sufficed. Or just stand near a railway line and watch the happy faces go by like in that scene from Pink Floyd's The Wall. They could have rounded off their fact finding mission with a quick trip on the underground - pick a line at random for instant claustrophobia with added delays and ended the day by being sworn at by a bunch of kids on the bus home and relished the full world of London's commuter hell. Would have saved them a few bucks for whatever rail franchises they're potentially bidding for too.

The Lib Dems have dug up, or unearthed as the BBC put it, figures showing the network now carries 25, 000 disgruntled commuters over capacity every morning but slightly less in the evenings. That's because you're all out at our weekly gig recommendations aren't you. The worst offending carriers are Southern and SWT with over 5000 additional bodies packed in each morning. Both networks have spent oodles of cash on shiny new trains with more space and less seating because we can fit more in when we're standing up and there's mention of discussing further overcrowding solutions (better birth control?) with the Government. So don't expect anything useful to be done this side of the next blue moon.

Still, every cloud and all that. We'd like to remind you that with the approaching big freeze meaning you're more likely to spend a few hours stuck on a line nowhere from anywhere, the best way to stay warm is body heat. But be careful about rubbing up the wrong way against your neighbour or you might be using the ice that's forming on the windows to nurse your swollen and bruised privates. Alternatively wear a hat.

Last Updated 22 November 2005