Drama! Drama! Just when Big Brother seemed like it could not get any more turgid, Orlaith walks, citing Derekâ€™s “bullying” as a major factor – â€ťI donâ€™t do bulliesâ€ť. Hooray! Go and mope somewhere else, sweetie. Donâ€™t let the door hit you in the arse on the way out. This is brilliant news, as it means â€¦ Kinga is back! Yes, the self-styled â€ścrazyâ€ť chica from London has been thrown into the omnisexual BB melting pot to shake things up, meaning matchsticks no longer need to be inserted into this Londonistaâ€™s eyes in order to stay awake during an episode. Kinga is going to be fabulous value for money, especially since she needed Big Brother to explain to her ve-ry-slow-ly-and-care-ful-ly what â€śpermissionâ€ť meant.
Kingaâ€™s secret mission â€“ not to get nominated by at least one person â€“ should be compelling viewing. Given that, in her Secret Garden days, she admitted she â€śonly had two friendsâ€ť, making mates inside the House could be an uphill struggle. For someone whose favourite film is Showgirls, however, will it be a challenge too far? Frankly, if it stops Derek â€“ who bears an uncanny resemblance to C-3PO right down to the bitchy queening and preening â€“ going on about Silver being John Wayneâ€™s horse when everyone knows â€ťHi ho, Silverâ€ť was the cry of the Lone Ranger, tears of joy will leak from the matchstick-free Londonist eye. Put life on hold â€“ Kinga is back. This almost makes up for the British publicâ€™s collective lunacy on Friday, when darling Kemal was evicted. What, was stupidity on special offer at Asda last week or something?