Drama! Drama! Just when Big Brother seemed like it could not get any more turgid, Orlaith walks, citing Derek’s “bullying” as a major factor – ”I don’t do bullies”. Hooray! Go and mope somewhere else, sweetie. Don’t let the door hit you in the arse on the way out. This is brilliant news, as it means … Kinga is back! Yes, the self-styled “crazy” chica from London has been thrown into the omnisexual BB melting pot to shake things up, meaning matchsticks no longer need to be inserted into this Londonista’s eyes in order to stay awake during an episode. Kinga is going to be fabulous value for money, especially since she needed Big Brother to explain to her ve-ry-slow-ly-and-care-ful-ly what “permission” meant.
Kinga’s secret mission – not to get nominated by at least one person – should be compelling viewing. Given that, in her Secret Garden days, she admitted she “only had two friends”, making mates inside the House could be an uphill struggle. For someone whose favourite film is Showgirls, however, will it be a challenge too far? Frankly, if it stops Derek – who bears an uncanny resemblance to C-3PO right down to the bitchy queening and preening – going on about Silver being John Wayne’s horse when everyone knows ”Hi ho, Silver” was the cry of the Lone Ranger, tears of joy will leak from the matchstick-free Londonist eye. Put life on hold – Kinga is back. This almost makes up for the British public’s collective lunacy on Friday, when darling Kemal was evicted. What, was stupidity on special offer at Asda last week or something?