22 June 2017 | 23.2 °C

Hell Train

By sizemore Last edited 144 months ago
Hell Train
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Passengers left stranded on a broken train on Thursday evening went feral:

At first the concern was for the commuters, stuck on a train because a signal got jammed by a dead bird. But when farmer Peter Yates took them sandwiches this afternoon, the situation changed dramatically. Two commuters jumped him like raptors and threw him aboard. A few minutes later he managed to get off the train and tried to escape, but was lassoed by a man with a rope and pulped! A little over an hour after that, a naked Mr Yates appeared briefly for the last time, trying to haul himself out of a window. But it was a naff effort. Most ominously, this evening the commuters were seen struggling with a sack containing an object that was obviously as heavy as a human body, and then throwing some kind of weird ritual

Oh our mistake. We were having heat induced flashbacks to The Day Today.

But a train DID get stuck on Thursday on it's way to King's Cross and the poor souls trapped inside have got an awful lot to complain about:

People were fainting and repeatedly pulling the emergency cord. Eventually a woman having a panic attack grabbed the emergency hammer and broke through the window

Now we've had to pull an emergency chord or two in our time and let us tell you that not a lot happens. The driver tends to ignore it for a while thinking it's just kids messing about and by the time he gets around to investigating, the emergency in question has usually gotten worse. Our advice is pull the chord, smash the windows as soon as possible and raise bloody hell - in short forget about being all restrained and English. You can always blame it on the weather or say "Londonist made me do it".

Last Updated 24 June 2005

Peggy Archer

While we here in Los Angeles feel your pain, it was 33 degrees centigrade outside my house today.

Mike

Peggy, the sooner we let Bush and Blair destroy the Sun the better.