Is there a harsher, more terrifying sound than the last-orders bell at the pub? That dreadful clang is the clang of Sunday night, of work tomorrow, of the unwritten essay due at 9am; the clang of a seven-minute wait for a District line train home, of a sad box of chicken nuggets, of 36 unanswered emails. That clanging is a bell called Reality, and it clangs for thee.
But don't despair. London's got a number of pubs that you don't have to leave at all — they offer rooms with beds in 'em. Staying the night above a pub is a wonderful, traditional traveller's experience. Whatever your reason for doing it, you can do it right across this city.
Central
While the City's The Bull & The Hide styles itself as a B&B, the service is hotel-quality. Free 'pantries' in each room mean free drinks and snacks, and goodbye to minibar charges. The establishment is owned by a winery and its room names pay homage to the local history; one is called Bedlam.
Seven rooms; doubles from £130 per night.
There's a reason Clerkenwell's Fox & Anchor repeatedly makes it onto best-of lists. Ingrained in the heritage of nearby Smithfield Market, it's a legendary boozer in its own right. Meanwhile, each of its boutique rooms is unique, furnished warmly, and includes luxuries like Sky Plus.
Six rooms; doubles from £189 per night.
South
Plenty of room at the inn at The Windmill - a 17th century tavern which stands isolated on the east side of Clapham Common. The reasonably-priced rooms — almost 50 of them — look out onto one of London's prime recreational spaces, and access to the city centre is speedy.
42 rooms, from £110 per night.
Not just a handy place to bed down after gigs at The 02, nautically-themed The Pilot is the ideal headquarters from which to start seeing maritime Greenwich's cultural highlights. The pub featured in Blur's Parklife video, and now hosts Shakespeare plays in the garden.
10 rooms; doubles from £90 per night.
North
Stoke Newington: hard enough to get to that you might as well make a night of it. The Rose & Crown, a corner pub and local institution, is the perfect starting point for a tour of the charming artisans' bubble that is Church Street — and all the many iterations of avocado it can offer.
Six rooms; singles from £96 and doubles from £132 per night.
You can practically hear the smack of wood on willow in the bedrooms of The New Inn, St John's Wood — a gastro pub and hotel just a cricket ball's slog away from Lord's. Rooms get booked up well in advance while test matches are on. Access to Primrose Hill and Regent's Park is also fabulous.
Five rooms; doubles from £85 per night and £150 per night during cricket season.
West
Named after the Victorian pickpocket Edwin Hand — who was so keen to prove his suitability to marry his 'flower' that he actually bought this property with his stolen wealth. The Hand & Flower is just across from Olympia — ideal if you're visiting the annual Great British Beer Festival.
Eight rooms, from £140 per night.
Since a takeover in 2013, the Malt House has been something of a Fulham foodie's landmark, where Mediterranean dishes get plated up in Georgian British surroundings. Popular with Chelsea fans wanting to make a weekend of it, and those venturing westwards to the likes of Kew and Richmond.
Six rooms; doubles from £135 per night.
East
A family-run pub for 50 years, the Railway Tavern in Stratford had hotel facilities added for the 2012 Olympics and hasn’t looked back. It's handy for West Ham games and shows at The O2 in Greenwich — and prices at this friendliest of East End establishments don't jump up for major events.
Nine rooms; from £109 per night.
Its Instagram page confirming everything you expected of a hip Hackney hotel, The Old Ship is an unbeatable premises from which to plot a course through the bars of Dalston, the consumables of Broadway Market and — for Sunday mornings — the flower-stalls of Columbia Road.
10 rooms; singles from £88 per night and doubles from £108 per night.
