Skiing is all well and good for moneyed holidaymakers and James Bond. But what about skiing for the masses? A wacky October event in Surbiton invites you to take to the ice; or at least strap it to your feet.
It's true there used to be a ski slope in Beckton (on a toxic spoil-heap no less), and a ski jump on Hampstead Heath, but those are long gone. So what now for the hoi polloi who wish to glissade across the ice without having to jet off to Chamonix?
"Teams of scientists in the research department of the Free University of Seething were engaged in their daily pursuit of attempting to create a fairer and more equitable world when they decided to tackle the socially divisive issue of skiing," Robin Hutchinson MBE, founder and director of The Community Brain, which is behind Surbiton Ski Sunday, tells me.
"Traditionally a sport for the wealthy due to the high costs of travel, accommodation, après ski and equipment, a startling and liberating revelation was 'eureka'd'. If you can put wood on your feet to ski on snow or ice, surely if you put the ice on your feet you could ski on anything."
The result is a wonderfully wacky annual event in which between 30 and 50 ordinary, hard-working folk strap blocks of ice to their feet, grasp two wooden poles, and — on a wing and a prayer — try to make it from one end of a downhill length of slippery lino to the other.
Just like any Winter Olympics, there is also a luge — or a luge of sorts. Let's just say that if you thought the sight of three characters sliding through the middle of a town in a bath tub was reserved for classic episodes of Last of the Summer Wine, think again.
It's an altogether eccentric affair, which is sometimes reflected in the competitors' costumes too. "The giant Guinea Pig has to be the finest," Robin tells me. And as if that's not unorthodox enough, there can be some screwball heckles too. "I think that a crowd shouting 'Don't eat those grapes, they haven't been washed!' to the utter bemusement of passers-by always raises a smile, alongside the annual tradition of waving at passing buses to encourage passengers to wave back," says Robin, adding "but it is the ridiculous sight of people on blocks of ice trying to stay upright that makes the sport."
There may not be flowing champagne and bubbling cauldrons of fondue at the end of Surbiton Ski Sunday, but there is soup. And visitors are encouraged to bring their own vegetable to put in it. Robin tells me "The King's Soup event originates from a tale of a selfish king who wants everything and just takes things from his subjects but whose heart is changed by tasting a simple peasant soup that has been made with love." There's a soup that warms both cockles and heart.
Surbiton Ski Sunday, Central Parade, St Mark's Hill, Surbiton, Sunday 13 October 2024, free. The event is open to everyone, and you can sign up to ski on the day. Some safety equipment is provided, but if you have your own, please bring it with you — along with a costume of your choice.
All images: The Community Brain
