Forget PSLs — autumn is all about the conkers! Here's our hard-hitting guide.
Sorry, I was busy playing on my Wii. What's conkers again? The act of nurturing the fruit from a horse chestnut tree until it's as hard as Jason Statham, attaching it to a bit of string, then making your best friends/arch enemies/children weep by battering their opposing conker into matchwood.
Wasn't conkers banned or something? Some people seem to have thought so; in 2019 there was even a petition to 'reinstate' conker playing in schools. To which the Government responded "There's no law or government policy banning children from playing conkers, so we're not sure exactly what you'd like the Government or Parliament to do."
So conkers isn't dangerous? Obviously don't go shinning up trees to collect them, but the worst story we can find about conkers in London concerns a bloke who slipped on some running from London to Brighton and twisted his ankle — and surely the moral here is don't run from London to Brighton.
Where is the best place to find conkers in London? You'll find plenty of horse chestnut trees dotted hither and thither, but parks are of course your best bet. Peckham Conker Club has a great guide on where to source your conkers from, which includes Hyde Park & Kensington Gardens, Morden Hall Park, Hampstead Heath, Greenwich Park and Tower Hamlets' Victoria Park. You could also try your luck at the legendary Wood Street Horse Chestnut, one of arboreal enthusiast Paul Wood's faves.
Are there any conker tournaments I can take part in? Yes, two biggies in London each year:
- Peckham Conker Championships (Saturday 4 October 2025) This urban conker tournament, which unfolds outside the breweries/in the alleyways of Peckham, is for the tough nuts. Its 'Battle Royale' rules mean that nut-pimping, stampsies and basically any kind of cheating are allowed. It's all in the name of winning the coveted 'Golden Nut', a 22 carat gold conker. In 2024 'Pietro the Pummeler' won the top prize for the second year in a row — so he's the one to beat. There's a Juniors and a Seniors competition and we predict tears at both. To play, you'll need to secure a place — a few hundred people tend to show up! And to prove how serious things have got, you can now buy 'nut sacks' of pre-laced, cellar-aged conkers for £16. Not like in my day...
- Hampstead Heath Conker Championships (Sunday 5 October 2025, 1pm-4pm). The 'Grand Conker Meister' oversees competitions of various age categories, at the picturesque rendezvous of the Parliament Hill bandstand. There are also nature-themed family activities and live music. Don't get us wrong though, destruction is very much on the menu.
