We read the press release just before sleeping; woke believing we'd dreamed it.
In an offer that bears so many too-good-to-be-true hallmarks that it sounds like a very deeply targeted phishing email — would YOU like hours of extraordinarily high-quality, all-you-can-eat cheese for very little money? — The Cheese Bar is launching bottomless cheese nights at their Pick + Cheese conveyor belt in Seven Dials Market. Some of those nights coming in at £10 a head.
Running from 8 August from Friday to Monday, the Eat More British Cheese nights are The Cheese Bar's way of both supporting small-scale cheesemakers and making punters happy. It's £20 a head Friday to Sunday — that's already still, potentially, outrageous value depending on your capacity for cheese — but with the Eat Out To Help Out discount running through August, Monday nights will set you back just £10 per person.
The Cheese Bar's original Camden site is also offering unlimited raclette night on Wednesdays in August — which, with the Eat Out To Help Out scheme in place, comes in at £9 a head for all-you-can-eat cheese, new potatoes, ham, vegetables and cornichons.
There's also a way you can look at this, if you squint just right, where accessing incredibly well-priced cheese from artisan producers is... a virtuous thing to do? Many UK cheesemakers — Ogleshield, suppliers of the raclette, among them — had orders destined for London restaurants cancelled at short notice when lockdown struck, leaving them with a lot of stock and zero revenue.
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Mathew Carver, of The Cheese Bar says 'By taking advantage of the “Eat Out to Help Out” scheme and the VAT cut to make the numbers stack up on bottomless cheese, I’m so excited to offer our customers exceptional value whilst also showing support to the incredible cheesemakers we work with.'
This is a noble sentiment and we're going to try hard, really really hard, not to push the limits of our bottomless cheese intake to the point where no VAT cut or or government scheme could make the numbers stack up for Mathew. But no promises.
Book your table for unlimited cheese at Pick + Cheese, Friday - Monday, or unlimited raclette at The Cheese Bar in Camden on Wednesday here.