Tis the season... for sticking your tongue down a colleague's throat, if these stories are anything to go by. Never mind that the next time you see your tongue buddy from the compliance department will be an awkward reunion in the kitchen at work...
Three hours ago, this object of lust was as desirable as the ringbinder on their desk. But now — six sambucas in — you're seeing them in a whole new, very attractive light. One thing leads to another, and before you know it, you're really hoping that what happens at the Christmas party stays at the Christmas party... not always the case.
But enough about last night. Here are your stories of getting saucy at Christmas parties:
"We got as far as the starter before we started fucking"
I was working in a cab office when a client invited me to her work Christmas party. We'd been flirting for about three months over email, so there was a lot of sexual tension. I'd met her once, and it was lust at first sight, so I accepted her party invite. It was at a Mexican restaurant in Clapham and we only got as far as the starter before we were shagging in a cubicle in the ladies' toilets. People came in and out and we didn't care, but returning to the table was awkward as her colleagues were a bit do-goody. We sat the meal out then carried on in the car after. We saw each other for a while. It was all sex-based — she used me and I loved it.
"A couple came in and had sex by the sinks"
I was at a Christmas party in the City which is notorious for shenanigans because there's so much booze flowing. I was working for an investment bank and the do was a client thing, so I wasn't drinking to excess, but when I went to the loo, I accidentally ended up in the ladies. I was about to back out when I heard footsteps coming, so I hid in a cubicle. Unfortunately it was a couple, and they decided to get nasty right by the basins so I had to listen to the noisy congress and wait for them to finish. They carried on for ages despite clearly being pissed. There was no way I wanted them thinking I'd rocked up for a threesome, so I was stuck in the cubicle for half an hour. I felt like an idiot and when I got back to the party I had to pretend I'd got lost in the building.
"I gave him a blowjob in the men’s toilets"
Two years ago I went to a work Christmas party at a pub and ended up in the men’s toilets giving this guy a blowjob. He was my colleague's plus-one and we'd clicked when we were talking. Because we were drunk, we started snogging, then one thing led to another. When we came out of the loo, the girls I worked with were laughing and going, "Oi oi!" I just winked and said nothing happened but they all knew what I was like anyway.
"The booze led me to believe I was invisible"
I was a manager at a call centre and there was a girl on my team who I'd been flirting with over email. After a few beers at the Christmas party, I decided it was a good idea to snog her. She was 20, and I was 28. I was married at the time, but the booze led me to believe I was invisible, and no-one would see. I gave her a lift to work the next morning because she'd left her car at the office — the looks I got for walking in with her.
I had no idea people had seen us snogging, and I later found out that everyone assumed we'd slept together. I was so embarrassed, but we actually ended up having a full-blown affair. Call centres are rife for this sort of thing and I was a bit of a lad back then. Everyone knew what was going on and I ended up leaving my missus for her. We were good for eight years then she had an affair and left me. Karma in full effect.
"My boss put her hand in my lap — then went in for a kiss"
I was at a work Christmas party at a pub in Farringdon when my boss tried to get off with me. There'd been three or four of us sitting chatting, and it was only when my boss put her hand in my lap that I looked around and realised everyone else had gone. I was 31 and she was 34. She was cute, and I'd have been tempted if I was single, but I wasn’t, and she owned the company, so when she leaned in for the kiss, I backed away and pretended to reach for my drink. She was married with kids, and she'd been telling me about her affairs and her husband's low sperm count. I felt a bit awkward so I played it off with, "are you ok? Did you lose your balance? Maybe you had too much to drink."
I walked her outside to get a cab, where she started stroking my hand and just as she tried to kiss me again, a taxi appeared so I quickly raised my arm and shouted: "TAXI!" I got her in the cab and nothing more was said of it, but I wondered if her pass at me was influenced by her wanting another baby, and I made a mental note not to do anything with her ever.
"There was an orgy going on in the shed"
It was my friend's Christmas party, and his mum asked if I could go to the shed to bring in a couple more crates of beer. So I went outside and when I opened the shed door, there was what I can only call an orgy going on inside. There were three girls and two boys all having sex up against the wall of the shed. There was room for another male so I grabbed a crate of beers, took it in the house, then shot back to the shed to get involved! It was my first time doing anything like that, so I was a bit overwhelmed, but I'd had a good few beers and a couple of vodkas so it was like, "let's have a bit of fun!" I had sex with two of the girls and ended up falling spark out asleep with one of them on my friend's sofa.
They fingered and licked each other while he watched
When I was 19 I worked for a jewellers on the high street and I had a Christmas shag with the assistant manager. Her name was Kelly and she was in her late 20s with an on/off boyfriend who was a total twat. I'd been trying to get with her for ages, and on the night of the Christmas do, 25 of us went for dinner at our local Italian restaurant. It was pretty bland with all the older married staff there, but after the meal Kelly grabbed me on the way out and we had our first snog. Then the boring people went home and we went on to a nightclub — which is where the proper drinking started.
Me and Kelly sat next to each other and she was proper on it that night, drinking loads. She was getting more and more flirty and kept touching my leg. She was obviously pissed off with her boyfriend and well up for it, because it turned into full on groping and fingering.
While I was with Kelly, my mate was getting a blowjob in the toilets from one of the Christmas temps. He ended up going home with her and her mate, who was also temping with us. I went back to Kelly’s but we were both so pissed, the sex was all over the place.
Afterwards, it was awkward at work because I wanted a relationship with Kelly but she'd gone back to her boyfriend. But my mate who had the threesome just turned up for work and told everybody what happened with the temps. The two of them were standing right there when he announced that they'd fingered and licked each other while he watched.
Samantha Rea can be found tweeting here.