The Tenuous 'Harry And Meghan' Press Releases Are Flooding In...

Will Noble
By Will Noble Last edited 13 months ago

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The Tenuous 'Harry And Meghan' Press Releases Are Flooding In...

"Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are finally engaged!" Not our words, but those of Zurich Insurance, one of a number of companies already churning out tenuous royal proposal press releases.

Among the royalist insurance provider's "Six tips on saying 'I Do', without making it a royal pain" are "make the most of charity shops" and "make sure you're covered". The latter almost makes us think the whole point of this mail out was to flog insurance, rather than mark the joyous news. But surely not.

How to propose at Christmas

Royally-excited jeweller William May is brimming with top tips on "How To Propose Like The Royals!", namely:

So in other words:

  • Bung the ring in a stocking
  • Bung the ring on the tree
  • Get down on your knee and ask them to marry you

Inspired. Also, why is Santa proposing in the photo? Mrs Claus will hear about this...

Royally bad t-shirts

The slogan-bearing t-shirts are already being churned out of the printers, aimed at those disconsolate soul, who until the news was announced, still honestly thought they had a chance of bagging the fifth in line to the throne (or worse, those who still think Harry could marry them):

And in case you don't think the weather is conducive to t-shirts right now, how about celebrating with a royal umbrella:

Following the exciting announcement from Clarence House on a rather damp November day, ensure you are kept dry with Royal Warranted Fulton's 'Birdcage' Umbrella- a firm favourite of Queen and Royal family.

"The designs are totally bespoke to the Royal family," continues the press release, which makes us wonder what Brenda et al make of us riff raff being given the same umbrella wielding rights as them.

After all that, we need a drink...

...thank goodness then, for McGettigan's Irish bar in Fulham, which is:

offering our customers a free shot in celebration of Harry and Megan tying the knot. We figured we might as well raise a glass to the young couple and join in on the celebrations.

Yep, might as well. Anyway, it's by far the best way to celebrate we've heard so far...

Seen any tenuous royal engagement ads? Let us know in the comments.

Last Updated 27 November 2017