"He stood behind me, in the rush hour crush"
"My boyfriend was a stripper and he had some leather chaps. We were both turned on by risky sex, so I told him to wear them on the tube. Under a coat, they looked like normal trousers – but because the crotch was open, it was easy access. I wore a trench coat with a high split at the back, and stood near the doors, facing the Perspex guard that looks towards the seats. He stood behind me, in the rush hour crush, with two buttons undone on his coat, timing his thrusts to the jerky movements of the tube."
Marian,* who wore no knickers for her underground escapade, is not the only Londoner to get carnal in a tube carriage. It turns out a surprising number of TFL passengers are porking on the Piccadilly line, doing bits on the Bakerloo line, and making the seats sticky on the Central line. Of course, not everyone plans as impeccably as Marian, and some passionate passengers find themselves improvising with the props at hand…
Leon was on his way home from dinner with a woman he'd been dating for a few months. He says, "we got on at Bond Street and she put her hand in my pocket — tore the lining and went straight in! She started giving me a handjob and I had to hide it with a paper I picked up off the seat beside me. There were people in the carriage and I have a poker face, but I liked the idea they might guess! When I came, my underwear absorbed most of it, and Metro helped hide the rest. I had to keep it in front of me until I got home!"
So lust-crazed was Leon that he didn't care about his torn trousers or his scratched ballsack ("she had nails") explaining, "she was feisty — that's why I liked her. It was worth it. I'd do it again!" Equally feisty (and lust-crazed) was Terry's date Emma, who was turned on by seeing him in a suit. Terry says, "she wanted a posh night out, so she came to meet me from work in Canary Wharf. We had a nice meal and a few drinks, and she'd been touching me up a bit under the table. As soon as we got on the DLR, she looked around, unzipped me and bobbed her head down, giving me a blowjob. Stops went by and nobody got on, but she didn't even look up — she was going for the world record. Then we had to swap to the Central line and it was packed."
Continuing, Terry says, "we stood at the end of a carriage and she had this massive handbag, more like a beach bag, that she held with her left hand, in front of my trousers. Then with her right hand, she unzips me, spits on her hand and wanks me furiously like she's set herself a challenge to make me cum as fast as possible. She did — before we even got to the next stop. It went all over her hand, her wrist, her arm — and she licked it off while looking right at me. Bloody hell, it blew my friggin' socks off — and those trousers had to go to the dry cleaners!"
"A guy got on and saw her hands around my knob"
Despite the tube being packed, Terry reckons they got away with it, claiming, "when I looked around, nobody had seen a thing." Ed, however, had a small audience for his fumble with a first date from Guardian Soulmates. He says, "we fancied each other but we didn't get on. I said things that annoyed her, and she said things that made me think she was a knob, so we both knew it wasn't going any further. We drank to get through it, then we both had to get to Waterloo. Somehow it got frisky when we were on the tube — she took my willy out and started to play with it."
"A guy got on and saw her hands around my knob, and he quickly carried on along the carriage. At one point she was sitting astride me and I had her boobs out — she had jeans on, so I couldn't get to anything else. Then she was basically giving me a hand job, and when she could see I was close, she did the last 30 seconds with her mouth. It was around 11pm and there were people further down who were obviously horribly embarrassed and being British about it, pretending not to see. We both knew we weren't going to see each other again, I think that's why it happened."
"He pushed me up against the Perspex"
Laura had hoped to be taken up the BT Tower, but found herself satisfied down below. She says, "it was a month after the 24 hour tube started on the Victoria line, and I'd come to London for work. There was a guy I'd been flirting with online, so I went on Facebook and checked into this bar in Brixton where I was having cocktails. As soon as he saw I was in London, he slid into my inbox to say he'd swing by, and arrived within 30 minutes. We'd never met before, and the chemistry was insane. He'd recently started working in the BT comms team, so I told him I wanted to see the view from the BT building. He offered to take me, and I was imagining the hot office sex we were about to have, but we were so swept up by giddiness and gin that we started kissing on the platform, while we waited for the tube."
"When it came, we got in an empty carriage. We were incredibly into each other and feeling risky. Months of flirting had culminated in this tube ride and we couldn't keep our hands off each other. He pushed me up against the Perspex and we were kissing frantically. We missed the stop for the BT Tower, and I suggested we go to his place in Walthamstow. But when the train doors shut again and nobody got on, he undid his jeans and fucked me right there against the window. It was phenomenally good, and the thrill of being caught heightened every second. It was over almost as quickly as it began but it left us both deeply satisfied."
Ben was on his way home with a girlfriend who he'd been seeing for about a month. He says, "it was late at night and she was wearing a summer dress. She put my hand between her legs, to show me how wet she was, and that was all the encouragement I needed. We were on the Bakerloo line, where the seats aren't divided, which meant we could get close. She pressed against me, so it looked like we were just cuddling, and I started stroking her clit. There were people at the other end of the carriage and I'm sure I imagined I was being more discreet than I was! It was only supposed to be a tease, but she was turned on by the risk-taking and suddenly she whispered, 'shit, I'm cumming!' She made this face like I was stabbing her, which she always did when she came. It was incredibly off-putting, but at least she was quiet."
"The smile on my face is not just because I'm at my stop."
Dean had been out for dinner near Earl's Court, with a woman he'd been seeing for a few months. He says, "we were in the last carriage of the Richmond-bound District Line and it was close to midnight. We felt horny the whole way, with our hands in each other's pants. I've no idea if anyone in the carriage had seen our heavy snogging — it didn't matter! It was pure lust and we were lost in the moment. Then the carriage emptied out once we got past Gunnersbury — which left two stops and less than five minutes for a very memorable blowjob. It was her idea — she was far more courageous than I was. For me, it was one of those good surprises you can't believe is actually happening.
We were both in relationships with other people, so we weren't meant to be doing what we were doing, regardless of the venue. Of course, that made it more exciting! Nothing else mattered and we were too far gone to stop — so she swallowed, and we looked like innocents by the time the tube pulled into Richmond. After kissing, hugging, and a lot of giggling, we said goodbye at the station. I know it might sound cheap and nasty, but it wasn't. Or it didn't feel that way to us. It was lust-fuelled but tender too, and whenever I'm on the last train home I think about it. The smile on my face is not just because I'm at my stop."
Gary was on the Northern line to the Brent Cross John Lewis. It was summer, on a week day morning, and he was with his girlfriend. He says, "we'd taken the tube so we could have some drinks out, and as soon as we sat down, she told me she was wearing crotchless knickers. She did it to get me hot and bothered, and when she saw it worked, she sat opposite and flashed at me."
"When the carriage emptied out a bit, she sat on my lap, which was super frustrating, but when the last person got off, I let my hands wonder. Then I undid my jeans so we could fuck, with her still sitting on my lap. Each time we pulled into a station, we stopped, and acted like a couple who were just a bit too PDA, hoping no one would get on our carriage. One guy did, for one stop - that was awkward. When he'd gone, we carried on. It wasn't the best sex ever — I didn't cum — but the experience was really hot and we got caught up in it. We actually missed our stop and had to come back one!"
*Names have been changed. We don't in any way condone getting frisky on the tube — indeed you could get into a lot of trouble. And attempting to ignite passion in random passengers is wretched behaviour, not to mention illegal. Don’t be that person.
Samantha Rea can be found tweeting here.