Londonist asks someone random questions. This time we say 'ello 'ello 'ello to Lee Apsey from comedy outfit CSI: Crime Scene Improvisation.
Sherlock Holmes, Hercule Poirot, Luther: three great London detectives. But who would win in a race to solve a murder?
Luther wins because modern forensic technology is incredible and the other two need at least a month to acclimatise to having the internet. Holmes' disposition was not meant to handle doom scrolling. Meanwhile, shout out to forensic palynology (the use of pollen to solve crimes.) I know pollen isn't popular with everyone but it's trying to help us.
Most criminal piece of architecture in London?
Every single piece of hostile architecture. Do you know how many pot holes could be filled with the resources used to make it uncomfortable to shelter from the rain?
London's seen some pretty mysterious murder cases over the centuries — which is the most riveting?
There was a surreal and absolutely chaotic incident in which the perpetrator threatened to set fire to a nightlife venue if they stopped playing music. According to their claims, other dancers were on the verge of carrying out a series of copycat attacks and it lead to an outburst in which the murderer confessed on the spot, 13 times over the course of three minutes and 50 seconds. The whole thing is described in the 2001 musical true crime podcast Read My Lips by Sophie Ellis-Bextor.
Have you ever used your improv skills to get yourself out of a sticky situation?
I mostly use them to get into those situations but empathy, thinking on your feet and being adaptable are always good. I was producing a feature film a few years ago when I woke up to discover that the pub we were supposed to be filming in had burnt down overnight*. We were on a small island and, operating in the budget range where we definitely did not have the funds to reschedule, I had about 40 minutes to find a new location (in this case, an independent petrol station) and convince the owner to let us film there before getting to the accommodation, waking up an incredibly understanding actor, and telling them about their exciting new role.
If you could make one thing in London illegal, what would it be?
Not nodding in appreciation when someone gets through train doors at the last second. Appreciate the dreamers.
Lee Apsey appears with Crime Scene Improvisation at Wiltons Music Hall, east London on 4 July 2025, before heading to Edinburgh.
*Ed's note: where was Sophie Ellis-Bextor that night?
