London will never be the same again: everyone's favourite bigoted comedian(?), Jim Davidson, has announced he'll never step foot in the capital again. As we learn to readjust in this difficult time, here are a few things we can expect to change in our day to day lives.
1. No more wildly popular Jim Davidson shows in London
Because he had loads of massive shows lined up in London, right? Oh. What about that brilliant boundary-smashing play he wrote, though? Shouldn't he be on his fourth West End mega-hit by now... oh, they won't talk to him. OK then.
2. No more bizarre in-car rants with the BBC
Like that moment in November 2018, when Davidson got stuck in Extinction Rebellion caused traffic at Elephant and Castle, and starting going off on one to Tom Edwards. Must have felt nice being courted by the Beeb for the first time in a while though. Speaking of which...
3. No more shooting Big Break or The Generation Game...
Both family-friendly-laced-with-a-bigoted-presenter shows were shot in west London, eventually packing up in 2002. But, what, with its big push for diversity & inclusion, the BBC was DEFINITELY about to pick up the phone and make that call...
4. No more orgies with 12 prostitutes on a stag do in a posh Kensington hotel
Which happened once in the 1980s, according to a sordid tale Davidson himself recounted to Piers Morgan*. We pray to the gods of primetime Saturday TV that Brucie stayed well away that night.
*Don't suppose Pier Morgan fancies extraditing himself from London too?
5. No more pestering London's BAME politicians
I am never coming to London again. Khan. You have fucked my home town up.— Jim Davidson (@JimDOfficial) June 13, 2019
Like Sadiq Khan, who Davidson accused of 'fucking up' his hometown (hence why he's never setting foot in London again). And David Lammy, who Davidson once accused of 'playing the card'. With luck, Davidson's self-imposed exile means that he'll never even deign to utter the word 'London' again in his life.