A Bald Man Chooses His Favourite Bald Spots In London

Last Updated 10 April 2024

A Bald Man Chooses His Favourite Bald Spots In London

Comedian Ray Bradshaw is a self-professed 'bald ginger' — something that inspired the theme of his latest show, Doppelginger, in which he goes on a quest to find the person who looks most like him. Here, Ray takes us on a tour of his favourite 'bald spots' in London.

The same shot as above - now with more development o the peninsula and across the water in the City
The giant bald dome of The O2. Image: Jason Hawkes

Blackheath Common

As a bald person, sometimes you shave your head at home too quickly before going for a night out, then 40 minutes later when you're on the bus, realise you've missed a bit. Now you have a mini mohawk. Anytime I see the bald expanse of Blackheath common — and the church steeple poking out from it — I am fondly reminded of that time I contemplated going to Boots to buy emergency scissors to rid myself of my accidental mohawk.

Horse Guards Parade

Here's a swathe of central London that looks like my head after I've been on the beach. Well it does until the horses come along. Then you have to pretend the horses are giant, galloping lice. Don't do this after a few drinks though because then it is genuinely terrifying.

A massive rust coloured hitchcock head
Every bald person must go and pay homage to Hitch. Image: Matt Brown/Londonist

The O2

I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. It looks like me when I wear a beanie while trying to fit in with all the other cool kids in Hackney. Plus it's thinning on top which we all saw when the wind blew some of the roof off. We all know what really happened; the Millennium Dome reached its mid 20s, and inherited its dad's receding hairline.

The big Hitch's head in Shoreditch Park

A pilgrimage for the bald people of the UK. It works like this: once you lose your hair you get a postcard from Richard O'Brien (King of the Balds) telling you to meet him at the big Hitch's head in east London. There, the former Crystal Maze host instructs you to pat Hitchcock's head for good luck, before asking you to hand over all your shampoo, combs and hairbrushes in exchange for two tubes of face cream (as your face has now technically doubled in size). An altogether moving ceremony.

People outside Westfield taking photos of Ray's massive poster for his show
Made it ma! Top of the world front of the Westfield

Westfield, Shepherds Bush (only for 3 hours once)

I hired a billboard at Westfield trying to recruit more bald gingers for my new show but then I stood under it for photos and it just looked very sad to passers-by. It was nice for a bald ginger to get on a billboard though as it's usually handsome people who get the adverts for that kind of thing — and we’re only ever on them to advertise erectile disfunction or a wanted poster.*

*My poster was purely to advertise the show. I wasn't — as has been rumoured — receiving additional money from Big Viagra.

London Hair Loss Clinic, 10 Harley Street

Nuff said.

Ray Bradshaw is on a UK tour with his show Doppelginger. He appears at Artsdepot, North Finchley on 21 March and Leicester Square Theatre on 3 May 2024.