All 39 London Tram Stop Names: Bitchily Critiqued

Will Noble
By Will Noble Last edited 20 months ago
All 39 London Tram Stop Names: Bitchily Critiqued

Do you know your London trams stops? In this handy guide, we work our way west to east through every single one — making wry/mainly silly observations as we go. All aboard the green line/lighter green line.

Photo: Andrew Smith

Wimbledon: Good, familiar start. SW19. Strawberries and cream. John Inverdale. OK, let's please not think about John Inverdale.

Dundonald Road: How very Scottish sounding. Or do we mean Irish sounding? Maybe both. There's a Dundonald golf course in Scotland, and a place called Dundonald near Belfast (home to Northern Ireland's only public Olympic size ice rink). There's also a Dundonald Road in Kensal Rise. OK, we're dun now.

Merton Park: Parking your car in an irreverent, off the wall way that makes Ian Hislop guffaw.

Morden Road: A motorway i.e. 'more den just a road'. What? It's too early for us to get our coat.

Phipps Bridge: When you try to say 'Phillips Bridge' after 12 glasses of prosecco.

Belgrave Walk: The posh version of the Lambeth Walk. Probably involves a cane and a monocle.

Are these fellas doing the Belgrave Walk? Well no, this is a still from a 1931 hollywood film. Image: public domain

Mitcham: The punchline to a joke we're not clever enough to work out, e.g. 'How do you XXX in south west London? You Mitch 'em.' Answers on a postcard.

Mitcham Junction: The Clapham Junction of Mitcham.

Beddington Lane: Something you'd use to tell a toddler it's their bed time, e.g. "I think it's time you went up Beddington Lane to Dreamsy Ville".

Therapia Lane: Name of a holistic medicine treatment centre.

Ampere Way: There absolutely has to be a local rock band called this. Come on guys, it's there for the taking.

We'd love it if this band was Ampere Way from Croydon. But they're Incite from Arizona. Photo: Wikicommons

Waddon Marsh: The kind of name real estate marketers have nightmares about.

Wandle Park: Non league club football ground.

Reeves Corner: Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was a Mortimer Corner opposite. There isn't.

Church Street: Say what you see.

Centrale: Conjures up a grand, barrel-vaulted Europan station. It's actually a non-barrel-vaulted shopping centre.

George Street: This name's on a par with Church Street isn't it.

What we think of when we hear 'Centrale'. In fact Centrale in Croydon is a shopping centre with a Sports Direct and a Carphone Warehouse. Photo: Steven Lek in Wikicommons

West Croydon: Croydon! We've heard of that.

Wellesley Road: Named after a lesser known advisor to Henry VIII. It's not, but it sounds like it is.

East Croydon: The East Finchley of Croydon.

Lebanon Road: The DLR has Cyprus, the tram network has Lebanon Road.

Sandilands: The kind of holiday camp where they'd do a knobbly knees contest.

This is the kind of thing we imagine goes down at Sandilands. Photo: Wikicommons

Lloyd Park: School bully.

Addiscombe: The punchline to a joke we're not clever enough to work out, e.g. 'How do you say to a south London hairdresser who's XXX? He's 'ad 'is comb.' Send answers in with the Mitcham one.

Coombe Lane: We got nothing.

Blackhorse Lane: Like Blackhorse Road but narrower.

Gravel Hill: Like a gravel pit, but hillier.

The Wu-Tang Clan don't readily hang out at Gravel Hill. Proof: Sunil060902 in Wikicommons

Woodside: Some kind of cricketing/nautical term, e.g. "hit him on his woodside, where it hurts"

Addington Village: A retreat for kids struggling with their maths.

Arena: We like to think this stop has departure boards screening interesting BBC Four documentaries.

Fieldway: American football stadium.

Elmers End: Dark Looney Tunes cartoon in which Bugs Bunny finally kills his nemesis.

King Henry's Drive: Where Henry VIII parked his horses. Or maybe Wellesley did it for him.

At Addington Village, maths is fun. Photo: EyOne in Wikicommons

Harrington Road: We feel indifferent about this name. London doesn't: there's another Harrington Road in South Kensington.

New Addington: A retreat for younger kids struggling with their maths.

Birkbeck: What London transport bigwigs probably called Harry Beck when they poo-pooed his revolutionary tube map.

Avenue Road: The answer to a riddle: when is an avenue a road?

Beckenham Road: Where David Beckenham lives.

Beckenham Junction: The Dalston Junction of... OK that was never funny in the first place.

Last Updated 11 April 2017