Do you know your London trams stops? In this handy guide, we work our way west to east through every single one — making wry/mainly silly observations as we go. All aboard the green line/lighter green line.
Wimbledon: Good, familiar start. SW19. Strawberries and cream. John Inverdale. OK, let's please not think about John Inverdale.
Dundonald Road: How very Scottish sounding. Or do we mean Irish sounding? Maybe both. There's a Dundonald golf course in Scotland, and a place called Dundonald near Belfast (home to Northern Ireland's only public Olympic size ice rink). There's also a Dundonald Road in Kensal Rise. OK, we're dun now.
Merton Park: Parking your car in an irreverent, off the wall way that makes Ian Hislop guffaw.
Morden Road: A motorway i.e. 'more den just a road'. What? It's too early for us to get our coat.
Phipps Bridge: When you try to say 'Phillips Bridge' after 12 glasses of prosecco.
Belgrave Walk: The posh version of the Lambeth Walk. Probably involves a cane and a monocle.
Mitcham: The punchline to a joke we're not clever enough to work out, e.g. 'How do you XXX in south west London? You Mitch 'em.' Answers on a postcard.
Mitcham Junction: The Clapham Junction of Mitcham.
Beddington Lane: Something you'd use to tell a toddler it's their bed time, e.g. "I think it's time you went up Beddington Lane to Dreamsy Ville".
Therapia Lane: Name of a holistic medicine treatment centre.
Ampere Way: There absolutely has to be a local rock band called this. Come on guys, it's there for the taking.
Waddon Marsh: The kind of name real estate marketers have nightmares about.
Wandle Park: Non league club football ground.
Reeves Corner: Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was a Mortimer Corner opposite. There isn't.
Church Street: Say what you see.
Centrale: Conjures up a grand, barrel-vaulted Europan station. It's actually a non-barrel-vaulted shopping centre.
George Street: This name's on a par with Church Street isn't it.
West Croydon: Croydon! We've heard of that.
Wellesley Road: Named after a lesser known advisor to Henry VIII. It's not, but it sounds like it is.
East Croydon: The East Finchley of Croydon.
Lebanon Road: The DLR has Cyprus, the tram network has Lebanon Road.
Sandilands: The kind of holiday camp where they'd do a knobbly knees contest.
Lloyd Park: School bully.
Addiscombe: The punchline to a joke we're not clever enough to work out, e.g. 'How do you say to a south London hairdresser who's XXX? He's 'ad 'is comb.' Send answers in with the Mitcham one.
Coombe Lane: We got nothing.
Blackhorse Lane: Like Blackhorse Road but narrower.
Gravel Hill: Like a gravel pit, but hillier.
Woodside: Some kind of cricketing/nautical term, e.g. "hit him on his woodside, where it hurts"
Addington Village: A retreat for kids struggling with their maths.
Arena: We like to think this stop has departure boards screening interesting BBC Four documentaries.
Fieldway: American football stadium.
Elmers End: Dark Looney Tunes cartoon in which Bugs Bunny finally kills his nemesis.
King Henry's Drive: Where Henry VIII parked his horses. Or maybe Wellesley did it for him.
Harrington Road: We feel indifferent about this name. London doesn't: there's another Harrington Road in South Kensington.
New Addington: A retreat for younger kids struggling with their maths.
Birkbeck: What London transport bigwigs probably called Harry Beck when they poo-pooed his revolutionary tube map.
Avenue Road: The answer to a riddle: when is an avenue a road?
Beckenham Road: Where David Beckenham lives.
Beckenham Junction: The Dalston Junction of... OK that was never funny in the first place.