LondonistThe Best April Fool's Jokes In London 2016
Trust no-one, for today is 1 April, or April Fool's Day, and pretty much everyone is out to get you. From PR stunts to topical japes, here's a roundup of the best we've seen today.
Spotted one that we haven't? Let us know in the comments below, or tweet us. We'll be updating this page throughout the morning with London's best April Fool's pranks.
The Royal Albert Hall Large Hadron Collider
The Royal Albert Hall has announced that it's teamed up with CERN to bring the Large Hadron Collider to the UK.
The idea to create a UK hadron collider at the Hall was suggested by Professor Brian Cox and on investigation, the Hall’s perfectly circular shape was found to be the optimum circumference to carry out particle collision experiments in the corridors. Signs have gone up to warn staff about wandering particles.
There was an unfortunate incident during trials last month which saw Status Quo’s Francis Rossi struck in the groin by a particle during rehearsal but following full training staff feel confident again to continue experiments.
Covering London in a giant glass dome
IanVisits has continued his Unbuilt London series with an article about 200 year old plans to cover London in a giant glass dome, to prevent rainfall from drenching the streets.
Boris boards coming to a pavement near you
Metro leads with the story that Boris Johnson wants to push through a scheme to launch Boris Boards — hoverboards for hire — before the mayoral election. See image above.
Cheapflights.co.uk launches the most exclusive Instagram-worthy airline, Hipster Air today. The brainchild of eccentric kimchi entrepreneur Friday Lopalso, Hipster Air is for those who badly want to be in the know – but who don’t want others to know it. With artisanal inflight menu and craft beer available throughout your flight, you're strongly encouraged to bring your designer dog on board for free, though functional breeds will subject to a surcharge...
Fancy living on the London Eye?
The London Eye is turning two of the capsules into luxury apartments, available to buy later this year and rotating 48 times a day.
Walthamstow Guardian reports that inspired by the recent rebranding of Crossrail as the Elizabeth Line, tube lines could be rebranded as the TOWIE, Tulisa and Wham lines. Though TFL had plans to name the Central line as the Churchill and the Northern Line as the Thatcher, the public have had other ideas...
Surprise topic for the Royal Institution Christmas Lectures
The bastion of science has announced a rather suspect theme for this Christmas's lectures:
Diamond Geezer is reporting that TfL is allowing Waitrose to open a store in a disused station on the Piccadilly Line. The store, on the concourse at Down Street station will only be accessible via the tube, not from ground level.
UPDATE: Not everyone realised this was an April Fool. Ajit Chambers, who wants to open up disused tube stations and claims the idea was 'stolen' by TfL, has been rather busy on Twitter...
Pimm's to sponsor Big Ben
It really is Pimm's O'Clock today — the drinks brand is claiming that it has a new sponsorship deal with Big Ben and the Elizabeth Tower. It made ‘a generous offer’ to contribute towards the restoration of the Grade I listed timepiece in exchange for the unique sponsorship placement.
Pedestrian speed limit
The Mall in Wood Green has dreamt up a new pedestrian speed limit of 3mph throughout the shopping centre, due to a series of recent accidents caused by walkers walking too fast.
We're told it will be monitored by the centre’s new speed detection devices situated throughout the centre. Best of all, offenders will be taken to the Front Office of Legal Speed in Haringey to be dealt with.
Didn't think you'd get through today without at least one Brexit prank did you? The Guardian is reporting that the Royal Family is considering a "dramatic Brexit intervention". However, "proposals to do a live broadcast have been rejected in favour of a pre-recorded session because of Philip’s propensity for swearing."
Twickenham gets celestial
The Octagon Room at Orleans House Gallery in Twickenham has its roots in the stars, according to new research.
Solving that age-old theatre problem
West End theatre ticket app TodayTix has launched a new type of seat allocation, based on how tall you are. Shorter people are placed at the front, with taller people towards the back.
New bingo site Square Bingo launches at lunchtime today, with square bingo balls and square daubers. The London link? It's partnered with Trafalgar Square.
The Silent Loo App
Among some of the other marketing stunts today, Bathstore claims it is releasing a Silent Loo app today, which plays sounds such as Tap, Shower and Costa Rican River on demand to mask the sound of you doing your business. According to the press release which, ahem, plopped into our inboxes yesterday, "the Tsunami setting is strictly for emergency use only".
Telepathic Food Ordering
You know when you're so tired, you can't even be bothered to pick up your phone and use one of the ample food delivery apps that have flooded the market in recent years? Oh look, Deliveroo has solved that problem, just in time for today's high jinxes.
It claims to have "teamed up with leading neuroscientists to develop a new technology which will allow customers to use their app, using brainwaves alone".
Don't you just hate it when a dirty pigeon deigns to cross your path? No problem, that can be solved by "bringing along a local street pigeon to one of the Pigeon Wash stations for a shimmer and shine. The pop-up stations will be temporarily in use on 1 April until midday," sniggers laundry app ZipJet.
In what may be a case of unfortunate timing, The London Beer Factory has announced that it's launching "360° can technology." According to the press release we received: "The unique ring pull design enables the drinker to completely remove the lid, allowing the full spectrum of flavours and aromas to leap out of the can."
We actually can't tell if this is an April Fool, or just peak hipster news.
And finally, finally...
You may have spotted that we came up with our own little April Fool's — an offshoot site called Pengeist, which featured this porky-strewn video: