It's yet another crazy cabaret week so with zip, zero and zilch further ado, here are this week's zingers.
Zinger Of The Week is this Saturday's king-size cabaret and themed fancy-dress party White Mischief's 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (£14-£28.50). Held at King's Cross Scala (as opposed to its Milanese namesake), nautically-attired landlubbers with tickets can expect top-notch turns like La Soiree's Marawa, tentacled crooner HP Lovebox, steampunk songstress Spacedog and chap-hop champion Professor Elemental plus DJs, puppets, a steampunk crafts fair and an interactive story.
Wednesday's Zingers: If you want to put that lead in your pencil to good use, Dr Sketchy (£8.50/£10) at the RVT gives you the opportunity to draw (and enjoy) burlesque dancers, circus acts and other alluring examples of humanity. Circus lovers are in for a treat tonight as Deptford's Albany debuts its new night Circus Bites (£10) featuring Dusty Limits and Tricity Vogue on compere duties introducing aerial theatre, a hip hop Chinese pole dancer, acrobats and a German wheel duo.
Thursday's Zingers: BGWMC host Yuri's Space Flight Outta Sight Night (£7/£5), a rocket-fuelled epic evening with the Shtetl Superstars, Yuri's Talking Blues Band, intergalactic musique concrete from Langham Research Centre and an, er, interesting interpretation of a Tolstoy classic by vegetable puppet theatre Borscht called Anna Karrotenina. Alternatively, you can make like a Womble and go underground. At the converted downstairs loos Cellar Door, swing duo Kit Kat Kabaret mash up from everything from Nirvana to 'Big Spender' for a very round price while Volupte host Magic Underground (£15 + one-course min), a showcase of experienced and new illusionists.
Friday's Zingers: Hackney Empire's La Varieté (£12.50-£25) is the spice of your life tonight with its killer lineup of Londonist faves including saucy chanteuse Sarah-Louise Young, surly sorcerer Piff The Magic Dragon and the 7th best rap band from Ireland aka Abandoman. A worthy alternative is the RVT's Wotever Extravaganza (£7 or £5 for those "dressed as a GOGO dancer and willing to do a turn when we call your name!") with musical entertainment from the newly-reformed Open Mouths, Spinster and Woman-E.
Saturday's Zingers: Agent Lynch's fantabulous evening celebrating the works of Prince Rogers Nelson continues tonight at the Brickhouse. There's circus, burlesque and an nine-minute, lighter-waving, hoo-hoo-hoo-singing finale. You know you want to. If you want something more spiky, for one night only drag superstar Jonny Woo looks back over a decade of decadence (£12.50/£10) at the Bistrotheque.
Sunday's Zingers: It's Hungamunga's 5th birthday party down at the BGWMC (£6) so get down there for cake, live music from The Bobby McGees and more do-it-yourself arts and craft than you can shake a paintbrush at. You can paint, draw, stick, sew, knit or participate in the paintathon, a gameshow, a quiz and/or a raffle. I don't remember my 5th birthday being that much fun.
After all that, you can sit back with a cup of the brown stuff and enjoy this YouTube classic from Professor Elemental.