Is there a criminal equivalent to the Darwin Awards? If not, we should invent it quick sharp and hand first prize to the group of dimwits who needed step by step instructions on how to carry out a kidnapping.
Carl Wiltshire, Daniel Joseph and Pierre Joseph (no relation) are on trial for the attempted kidnap and blackmail of David Bodman, from Finchley. They were arrested when a neighbour of their intended victim spotted them 'loitering'. We can only imagine the amusement of the police when they discovered a notebook containing reminders to check the victim's identity and even his likely answer: “Yes”.
We're clearly dealing with criminal masterminds of the highest level here.
The trio had some fairly nasty stuff with them though – paint stripper and de-icer, presumably to disable the kidnapee, and cloth to tie him up. (We're a bit more dubious about the Scream mask and gun-shaped fag lighter.) But were there instructions on how to use these too? How to tie a reef knot? Would they only have used the paint stripper in a well ventilated area? And would the victim have had ample opportunity to escape while our über villians were flipping through their notes and arguing about stage directions?
Bravos should also go to Richard Milne, prosecuting counsel, for keeping a straight face throughout proceedings. The trial continues.
Image by pigpogm under the Creative Commons licence