To summarise: On Wednesday, a new novel is coming out about infamous fictional spy James Bond (aka 007). It's called Devil May Care and it's written by Sebastian Faulks.
That's it. Quite simple, really. Perhaps enough for a bit of press release? And maybe a nice drinks reception somewhere to meet some key reviewers, do a couple of interviews and help place a few pieces carefully in the right papers to generate 'buzz'? This is the first new official instalment of the series since Fleming's posthumous collection back in 1966. There Will Be Interest.
But no, that clearly wasn't enough. Here's what some giddy PR person left on their own in a dark cupboard managed to brainstorm instead:
1. Get a Royal Navy speedboat to nip down the Thames on Tuesday
2. Put a young blonde, busty woman in it, wearing a red PV catsuit
3. Have her carry 7 copies of Devil May Care, the new novel (7 - geddit?)
4. Arrange for two Lynx helicopters to escort the boat
5. Hold a launch event with the author on the HMS Exeter (tenuous link - where Bond apparently spent time as an intelligence officer)
6. Book some Fleming relatives to be present to give a shred of credibility to this tack-fest
7. Get the leggy model from the front cover to take 7 copies (oh, there's that 7 again) to Waterstone's on Piccadilly in a fleet of Bentleys
8. Generate a second spike in publicity on Saturday by getting tuxedo-wearing James Bond abseilers to scale down the front of Borders on Oxford Street
9. Get the afore-mentioned leggy model (no, not the author!) to sign copies at Borders
10. Drink several Martini's. On expenses.
Some thoughts on this whole she-bang:
* This was all concocted by JK Rowling's marketing firm, Colman Getty. Stop this. Please. Just stop.
* We'll provide a prize for anyone who takes giant boxes of Milk Tray on Saturday to hand to the Bond abseilers. Nothing like mixing up brands to annoy someone back at Colman Getty.
* The book might actually be quite good, we just don't know. However, the fact the thing took just six weeks to write makes us less than confident. Plus the author won't be at his own book-signing and looked quite embarrassed at points today.
* Catsuits. Passé, no?
* Some Bond trivia for you - What is known about Bond from the books is online here: "At six feet and 165 pounds, Bond is slim, almost wiry (body mass index = 22.4). He has blue-grey eyes, a rather cruel mouth, a long vertical scar on his left cheek and short, dark hair which falls to his forehead in a wandering comma." See, Bond sells himself without all this flim-flam.
Gratuitous Sean pic taken in a charmingly handsome fashion from Truus, Bob & Jan too!'s Flickrstream