Our favourite story from yesterday:
AN unexploded World War II shell which was used as a doorstop for 60 years has been removed by bomb disposal experts from a New Malden house.
The old dear who inherited the piece of ordnance from the previous owner of her house said "I thought if it had lasted ten years, it was probably dead". We had a similar theory about Take That's 'retirement, but look what happened there and the damage that caused.
It's interesting to note that Mrs Johnson had not one, but two visits from the police before they called in the bomb disposal team. We bet she was offering them all Fondant Fancies. Overall she seems to have quite liked the experience:
They took it away with flashing lights - the neighbours came out to see what was going on and why I had all these visitors
We can't confirm that Mrs Green, two doors up, is now attempting to reset the status quo by trying to source a large quantuty of Plutonium.