Children's Sequels We'd Like To See

By sizemore Last edited 206 months ago
Children's Sequels We'd Like To See

Geraldine McCaughrean's sequel to Peter Pan looks set to hit the big screen. Has anyone managed to pull off a decent Peter Pan on film yet? Not to worry - sequels never ever suck.

With that in mind here are five pitches that we'd like to see thrown about in the new year:

The Railway Children II: Privatisation: After their father is accused of spiking sushi with polonium-210, three children find amusement in watching the recently privatised trains crash into each other and waving to the pinned passengers. They later become friendly with Perks, an unemployed station porter, only for him to be arrested for touching the children inappropriately.

The Secret Garden II: Triffid: A small band of children inadvertently raise an army of Triffids after planting meteorite fragments in their secret garden. Sean Pertwee leads a group of SAS against the flesh eating plants, saves the children but has his intestines messily removed anyway.

Watership Down II: Escape to Victory: A band of rabbits challenge the staff at Huntington Life Sciences to a game of football. Despite being lame, blinded by chemicals and suffering horrendous open wounds, the rabbits win the match only to be skinned alive and turned into a furry incontinence sheet for Madonna. Rated PG.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar 2: Mutation: Eric Carle's much loved baby butterfly is drenched in nuclear waste. Growing to enormous size he hides in the London Underground system picking off commuters and tourists until Ken Livingstone slays the beast by welding a pointy bit to the front of a brand new air conditioned tube train.

The Wheels on the Bus 2: Drive You Motherfucker: Jeremy Clarkson must keep his brand new 4x4 humvee school bus well above the 30 mph speed limit because... well, just for the hell of it. When running low on petrol he takes to tossing off schoolchildren while singing and frothing at the mouth.

Box office gold every one.

Last Updated 20 December 2006