If you mugged the Bishop of of Southwark last week you can relax - you got away with it:
The Right Reverend Tom Butler suffered head injuries and lost his mobile phone and briefcase after a drinks reception at the Irish embassy on 5 December. He reported the matter to police thinking he been robbed near his home in Streatham, south London. A Metropolitan Police spokesman said it was not being treated as a mugging but as a case of missing property.
Like any good member of the clergy waking up to a fresh gash, Tom was a tad confused. It now seems that perhaps he wasn't the victim of a crime - unless the mastermind shared the same name as a well know Irish tipple. The Bish had been having a few over at the Irish embassy just prior to the incident. Rumours that an Irish priest in a wheelchair was responsible have been dismissed by a Craggy Island spokesperson as the work of "hairy Japanese bastards!".
We never believed for a minute that the Bishop was mugged - being able to move in any direction, any number of spaces in a diagonal line ensures they are difficult to corner.
Unless they're pissed.