We have to hand it to the police - they know how to protect our Christmas shopping:
Bells will be handed out to Christmas shoppers to attach to their bags to combat thieves and pick pockets.
Don't snigger. These are obviously B.E.L.L.S (Bobby Emergency Lightly Lethal Security) systems. The would be thief tries to make off with your bag only for it to transform into a 25ft MECH that shoots first and asks questions later. It'll be all chrome with it's own theme tune and... what? Really? Just ordinary little bells? Bollocks.
Well that'll work. Stick some bells on your shopping during the most bell-happy period of the year. What next? A rape alarm that sings carols?
With the bells warning people if their bags are moved, we want to ring in the festive season and give the criminals a wake up alarm call they will not easily forget.
Oh for fuck's sake. With Bell-ended ideas like this, Londonist is alarmed that perhaps the police are dead ringers for a sack of idiots.