For Whom The Bells Toll

By sizemore Last edited 137 months ago
For Whom The Bells Toll

We have to hand it to the police - they know how to protect our Christmas shopping:

Bells will be handed out to Christmas shoppers to attach to their bags to combat thieves and pick pockets.

Don't snigger. These are obviously B.E.L.L.S (Bobby Emergency Lightly Lethal Security) systems. The would be thief tries to make off with your bag only for it to transform into a 25ft MECH that shoots first and asks questions later. It'll be all chrome with it's own theme tune and... what? Really? Just ordinary little bells? Bollocks.

Well that'll work. Stick some bells on your shopping during the most bell-happy period of the year. What next? A rape alarm that sings carols?

With the bells warning people if their bags are moved, we want to ring in the festive season and give the criminals a wake up alarm call they will not easily forget.

Oh for fuck's sake. With Bell-ended ideas like this, Londonist is alarmed that perhaps the police are dead ringers for a sack of idiots.

Last Updated 29 November 2006


'ang on. So the hellish nightmare that is already christmas shopping, will be made much worse by a million last minute shoppers sounding like a huge herd of startled swiss heiffers, err, in John Lewis?!?!

Oh joy! (unto thee etc)


What will The Met be doing to protect the wearers of crime stopper bells from being beaten by hissed off punters with a touch of the bah humbug about them?

- Scrooge of Kensington


Add to the mix a bunch of plain clothes cops as part of OPERATION YULETIDE swinging SMARTWATER decoy bags into your shins.

Yet another reason to do all your Christmas shopping online.