All the highlights from our sister sites around the globe.
Torontoist immediately wins our heart by using the word "Jackass" in a headline. In fact, we love their use of it so much that we're going to use it as much as possible throughout this post. For example, it looks like there are Toronto-area jackasses besides those who misuse the sidewalk: look at the crap on sale on Toronto's craigslist. But it looks like Toronto doesn't contain the kind of jackasses who pee in public pools, as the issue never came up when they interviewed the creators of art installations in their public wading pools.
We're sure that Chicagoist's local jackass, Richard Roper, wonders where he'll see normally-sized women if Taste of Chicago gets all fancy. Maybe at the Church of Wicca? But why does Roper remain in Chicago, while greats like Thax move on? We blame Michael McDonald
It's like Houstonist planned a continuation of our jackass theme with the passing of Ken Lay. Maybe. That jackass Lay made our once-healthy 401K plummet to mere pennies, which is funny since they might be getting rid of said currency. And was Hampstead 5-0 auditioning for "Jackass" when they set off a bunch of grenades for fun?
Even if those Texas cops weren't "Jackass" contenders, Miamist's Chipper The Miracle Cat sure is. Kids, don't try sleeping in a wood chipper at home! Oh, and you know what always makes us act like a jackass? A crapload of blow. No really, it does! And what jackass doesn't love to do a bunch of rails and then take a scenic drive?
We're not going to make any jackassy jokes at all about Seattlest, because we have all the love in the world for Seattlest Dan, who has just stepped down from compiling this post. And he's getting married! Mazel tov, Dan! The Seattle love fest continues with Neko Case, whom you might even say that Seattlest has flipped for. OK, not really. But we're flipping for the debate in the comments on this post on alleged police brutality at Critical Mass.
Shanghaiist gets us back on the jackass train with posts on discrimination in bars and Crocs. The posts are great, and the comments are even better. Check them out! While you're over there, take a look at their post on Belinker — those jackasses have totally ripped off Dodgeball!
We hate the jackasses we have to deal with when we go see films at our local metroplex, which is why we're so happy to see LAist give some love to the Vista Theatre. As we wait in line for the movies, we'll daydream about the day LA blog LGF has a headline like "Gothamist's Jake Dobkin is a Jackass.". And we're reminded of our fearless leader yet again as we check out the comments on this post. Go get 'em, Tony!
Bostonist's Jon Petitt said it way better than we ever could when he told us "There's just something about the oldest subway system in the US in a city steeped (that's a tea pun) in history that we just can't figure out how to leave the tokens behind and go with the smart card system - maybe it's all because they named the card after a guy who was stuck on the subway for years because he didn't have exit fare." What's that jackass talking about? Find out here. Then we're reminded of two things we haven't considered since childhood: fireworks and church.
SFist gets down and dirty at the Matthew Barney retrospective, and revels in the "Jackass"esque triumph of a Bay Area man in the Coney Island Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Competition (See Gothamist's fascinating posts on the event, as well). Jeez, the only way we could come close to eating that much of anything is if we smoked a bunch of weed.
Gothamist reminds us why our parents worried when our jackass brother moved to New York with this story on random cordless reciprocating saw violence. God, what is it with all the police as jackass posts we have this week? Gothamist's is on cops drawing on a balloon artist. Maybe our parents should worry less about New York and more about the cops, huh? It makes firefighters' frustration with packrats seem comparatively benign. Less benign is rum, which brings out the jackass in all of us. In sports, David Wright is the new hottness, replacing Derek Jeter, who is apparently very, very old. Speaking of old, check out the comments on this post on possible management changes at Rocketboom. You crazy kids and your internet television! What'll those jackasses think of next?
Who knew that Farm Aid was still going on? Phillyist, that's who! Meanwhile, Lauren McCut helps us look less like jackasses with her new book. Not that it matters how we appear, as Philly is a ghost town.
Austinist went to see local boy Richard Linklater's new film A Scanner Darkly, but while they sit on their jackasses watching movies, a local personal trainer preps for a 12-hour treadmill run for charity. We're afraid to call either SOUNDTeam or Pitchfork jackasses after reading this post, so we suggest you read it yourself and make your own decision.
DCist shamelessly panders to Gothamist founder Jen Chung's obsessions with a celebration of their panda's "one-year of cuteness". We totally feel like jackasses for not thinking of this, first. But of course DC is partying — the mayor is out of town! A lot. We also have to ask "what kind of jackass plays elephant polo?" We apologize in advance if a career in that sport is what has DCist's co-editor, Ryan Avent, stepping down. Finally, DCist readers share their post official fireworks experiences. You'll be shocked to discover that many of them involve...jackasses.
Images by Phillyist's Star C. Foster
Links compiled by SFist Eve "Jackass" Batey