Now listen up, chaps - tomorrow is the big day that all the well-dressed gentlemen about town have been waiting for: the glorious sartorial guide The Chap has joined forces with Hendrick's Gin and is hosting its annual The Chap Olympics.
Aye, the centre of town (Bedford Square near the British Museum to be precise) will be pullalating from 5.30pm onwards with dandies and dashing young men all getting their finest tweeds and three-pieces in a twist for the sake of sporting immortality in this most august and well-tailored, free Olympiad.
"The Olympiad begins at six pm with the lighting of the Olympic Pipe, an enormous briar stuffed with navy shag. When all the contestants have taken a heady puff, the pipe is placed on the Olympic Pipe Rack and the games commence. The opening event is the MARTINI KNOCKOUT RELAY, in which teams compete to mix the perfect dry martini."
Other competition events include:
• BOUNDERS Chaps approach a row of ladies and are given two minutes to behave like utter cads. The winner is the bounder who receives the loudest slap accompanied by the wryest smile
• SHOUTING AT FOREIGNERS Contestants must procure gentlemanly essentials, such as kippers, a trouser press or the address of the nearest bordello, from a shopkeeper with no command of English and few manners
• CUCUMBER SANDWICH DISCUS A plate of cucumber sandwiches is hurled across the field, with extra points if the sandwich remains edible
Spectators and sportsmen alike are invited to this enjoyable event - if any of the competitions appeal to you, you are free to join the throngs vying for the first prize - but be warned: you may only compete if you are appropriately attired ("rakishly angled trilbies, gleaming brogues and exquisitely mixed dry martinis").
The Chap Olympics in association with Hendrick's Gin: Thursday 13 July, Bedford Square Gardens, London W. Entry is free. Registration for participants start at 5.30pm, events start at 6.00pm. For more information, go to the Chap Olympics website here.