No point mentioning those bats...

By sizemore Last edited 148 months ago
No point mentioning those bats...
breast implants.jpg

We're not sure when Silly Season officially starts - maybe when the rotting corpse of Big Brother is dragged by hooks back onto festering television sets - but it's now in full swing as the press begin investigating the TfL Lost Property office:

In the last year almost 150,000 items of property have been left on Tubes, buses and taxis, with mobile phones and books among the most-mislaid articles...

Let's break this down:

  • A 14ft inflatable boat
  • A coffin
  • False limbs
  • A lawn mower
  • Breast implants
  • A jar of bull's sperm
  • Three dead bats
  • A divan bed
  • Boring stuff (bags, umbrellas, wallets, passports, teddy bears and wedding rings)
  • £25,000 worth of Rolex watches (found on a bus)
  • A £2,000 plasma TV (back of a cab)
  • A home vasectomy kit
  • An urn of ashes
  • 22,000 items of clothing (single gloves, scarves, hats, coats, wedding dresses, full judge's regalia, etc)
  • Stuff saved for display includes six African masks, three Second World War gas masks and a few human skulls.

    As usual we're told this stuff ends up being auctioned, but does anyone know where? We used up all our bull sperm the last time we had to initiate a new writer and could do with a fresh batch for the next recruitment drive...

    Last Updated 22 June 2006