Attack Of The Flying Rats

By Londonist Last edited 154 months ago
Attack Of The Flying Rats

A fiendish plan to breed a hideous army of winged rodents to terrorise South East London has been foiled after years of preparation.

For more than ten years, 'Mrs Hughes' (if that is her real name) has been patiently nurturing an elite strike-force of airborne vermin in the garden of her Catford council house. Inquisitive neighbours have uncovered evidence of meticulous early-morning feeding regimes, and there have been clear indications of large-scale training exercises taking place over several years, resulting in extensive 'poo damage' to nearby property.

Although the relevant authorities were notified of the neighbours’ suspicions as early as 1996, they initially preferred to take a cautious approach to the matter – allowing the dastardly plan to gradually unfold before their eyes.

However, this week the authorities have finally sprung into decisive action, initiating legal proceedings to effectively shut down the entire operation. A spokesperson for the authorities has issued a stark warning to Mrs Hughes: 'Take us seriously'.

Some news reports have speculated that the odious winged beasts may be related to the common grey pigeon, a creature universally reviled for spreading disease and misery. This theory is certainly consistent with Mrs Hughes’s sinister comment on the matter: “I like birds.

Mrs Hughes has been given a deadline of next Monday to mend her ways, or else she faces eviction.

Last Updated 12 January 2006