It's not often in a London courtroom that you hear Kali, the Hindu goddess of death and destruction, called as a witness for the defense, but that could have happened today during the trial of a grandmother who was jailed after treating one of her pickle factory workers so badly the beaten woman lost parts of her fingers.
The beatings were so severe, they left the mother-of-two with shattered gangrenous fingers and rotting flesh across her lacerated back, the court heard. Large clumps of her hair were pulled out and there were cigarette burns on her feet and legs.
Turns out that Taru Patel was just following orders straight from the top of the Hindu mythological hierarchy.
When that defence looked shaky Patel suggested that the woman had been attacked by a gang of rapists. And we thought our boss was bad.
The jury didn't buy that either and banged the old witch up for 14 years.
Good job that Justice was served because that would have set up a dangerous precedent...
I didn't want to hit him, guv. It was Thor the Norse God of thunder what made me do it. He hangs round Elephant & Castle with that Loki chap... sells watches out of a suitcase. Tall bloke with a hammer. Bad bunch that Asgard lot...