Pop Star Burglaries - The New Black

By londonist_mark Last edited 153 months ago
Pop Star Burglaries - The New Black
burglar.jpg

Although it was only this morning that we promised not to mention serial no shower, ladies man, and some time enemy of home security systems Pete Doherty it would seem as if his nefarious activities have started off something of a trend.

South London singer, multi instrumentalist and acoustic electro pop whizz kid Patrick Wolf is currently on police bail to appear before the magistrates today, accused of breaking into his neighbour's house in Wandsworth last year. He denies all charges. A statement on his site reads:

I can confirm that Patrick is on police bail until August 3rd after being accused of burglary of jewels from a next door neighbours house on July the 25th 2004. Patrick is completly innocent but cuaght up in a nightmare of circumstancial evidence. At the same time of the burglary in Wandsworth, London last year Patrick suffered a serious injury to his right arm after falling down a flight of stairs around midnight of July 24th.. While falling

Patrick tried to steady himself and ended up putting his arm through a window on the landing and fell unconscious. A friend came and took him to the hospital and on the return home that morning it turned out the house next door had been broken into. Because the burglars

made attempts at breaking into the house by smashing a window and that Patrick had been asked to keep an eye out on the house and was also in possession of a set of keys the C.I.D have come to the conclusion that Patrick was responsible..

There is much more to the story but all at teamwolf are sure that on August 3rd the police will gather up all the evidence and statements and realise how wrong they are. Patrick was arrested and released on bail on the 22nd of June 2005 at Wandsworth police station please stay tuned, clap your hands to make sure justice prevails

So let's get this straight. Patrick had a set of keys but he broke in through the window anyway. With a dodgy arm. Did he decide to use the keys to get out again thereby preventing any further injury?

Presumably if you have jewels and you live in Wandsworth you're living in expensive Wandsworth town otherwise they would have been stolen already.

And if you live in Wandsworth town you don't need to be robbing your neighbours. You probably do it covertly every day through the bank or law firm you work for.

Has anyone found the jewels?

Is there some kind of folk based underworld out there laundering hot rocks for those who find life on the road unstimulating?

Who could this criminal mastermind be?

Is this a job for Hong Kong Phooey?

Is Patrick just a patsy for the mob?

Did anyone think to check his guitar case for the missing emeralds or look for the precious stones hidden in an accordian?

What kind of rhythm do you need to clap for justice, and what happens if you get it wrong? Life without parole?

We'll let you know what happens but for now, the next time you're down at the ICA watching someone play a searing electric bouzouki solo just watch their beady little eyes and keep your wallets and purses safe.

Last Updated 03 August 2005