Big Brother: Science Has Failed Our World; Spirit Pulls Through All Things

By Jo Last edited 162 months ago
Big Brother: Science Has Failed Our World; Spirit Pulls Through All Things

So Orlaith the weepy pixie is still in, and Citizen Science, man of the future, is out. Only half a percent difference, apparently. Well, whatever. Fuck you, Great British Big Brother voting public, fuck you. Was it bad thetans that made you vote against Science-tology? Was Xenu or whatever the fuck he’s called secretly influencing your thoughts from his magic multi-dimensional spaceship in Alpha Centauri? Well, whatever, fuck you.

Big Brother is going to be barren as shit now that Science has been turfed out. Who is going to prick Derek’s pompous puffball of smirking self-love? Who is going to make Orlaith cry? Who is going to bait vapid git Ant-knee? Watching Science interact with Anthony was like watching an elephant be attacked by a school of piranhas; Ant-knee-elephant lumbered around shrieking inanely while the Science-piranhas moved in for the kill. Who, now, is going to give the House its edge? Once again, Great Britain, screw you. Really. This Londonist is disgusted, outraged, upset, and secretly wondering if Science is going to set up a cleaning business, and if so, whether he can remove the foot-thick pile of shite from the Londonist dungeon floor. And wash the Londonist chicken goujons, too. Because, you know, washing chicken has been SCIENCE-TIFICALLY PROVED (har har) to eradicate germs.

Darling Davina was well mean to our kid on his exit video, too; yes, he was argumentative, and yes, he’s on the Londonist list of ’10 people not to invite into the bunker in case of nuclear holocaust’ (he sits snugly between Margaret Thatcher and Jimmy Carr), but really, Dav, did you have to be so rude? OK, maybe Science was venturing into tinfoil conspiracy theoryland with his dark mutterings on the subject of a House consensus on ignoring him, but still, compared to the relatively friendly reception Vanessa got, was a little compassion not in order?

It’s all too much. Let’s give Science, the man himself, the last word on Maxwell, Anthony and Craig: "It’s Tweedledum, Tweedledee and Tweedletwat". Truly, was there ever a better housemate?

Last Updated 23 July 2005